Jonathan Dehn
-WWE Smackdown
-01/17/2014
-Worcester, Massachusetts
The New Age Outlaws vs. The Rhodes Bros
Great, The Miz is going to be on commentary tonight. I’m glad that I have beer. The Miz interrupted Billy’s bit in the entrance by yelling “The Miz!” of course. Let’s just try to ignore him. Goldust starts with Road Dogg. Goldust turns the table in the corner and gets a right hand. Dogg gets some jabs, but Goldust takes over and gets a back elbow out of the corner. Billy comes in, but misses a charge and gets dumped outside by Goldy. Dogg reenters and tries to cut off the hot tag, but takes a powerslam for his efforts. Cody gets the hot tag (too early) and gets the high knee to finish a nice sequence with Billy. Dogg enters to help out, but Cody hits a double dropkick from the top. Goldust and Road Dogg tumble out. Cody and Billy reverse their finishers, and Billy hits the tilt-a-whirl slam for two.
Cody gets away from Billy’s Fameasser and hits The Disaster Kick. Billy sells it very nicely. Vickie comes out to interrupt the match. That’s not very good for business. Vickie apologizes for interrupting the match and then talks about the Rumble. Billy rolls up Cody for the cheap win, since it’s just a setup to help The Outlaws
Final Thoughts: *. This match was missing a heat segment and had a crappy finish. However, I can understand that it’s just HHH helping out his cronies.
-CM Punk is backstage with Renee. She asks him if it is true that he will call out The Shield during this show. Punk answers that, yes, he will call out The Shield. This could have been taken care of with a simple graphic.
-Paul Heyman comes on down to the ring. He’s here to squash the conspiracy against his client and the talk about Big Show tossing him around. Pretty much, Big Show is not dominant over Brock Lesnar. Paul Heyman is confident that he won’t be knocked out like Zeb Colter, as Brock Lesnar keeps him safe. The Big Show now shows up to bully Heyman. The Miz tells Paul Heyman to stand his ground. Of course he does. Paul runs away from The Big Show. Big Show, instead of selling the match, has them replay the Old School Raw angle. Big Show tells Paul that at the Rumble, he’s knocking Lesnar out. I like that Big Show reminds Paul that he was a Heyman Guy before it was cool.
-Eva Marie is in front of a celestial background and tells us about an upcoming match. She makes everything feel more artificial than it should feel. I hope that they only had time to do a few takes, as this spot is void of any type of real enthusiasm.
Alberto Del Rio vs. Rey Mysterio
The Miz is trying way too hard tonight. He’s competing with JBL, it feel s like, where he should be providing complementary commentary to Cole. Rey takes the microphone and says that Del Rio is worrying about Batista. ADR stomps to start and works on the arm. Del Rio misses a charge and spills to the outside. Rey slides from the apron and dives out onto Del Rio. Back inside, Rey gets taken down into the tree of woe after being crotches. Del Rio kicks him down while JBL and Miz argue about who is the bigger failure. We hit a break.
We’re back with Rey coming off the top and hitting Del Rio with a press from the top. ADR falls into the ropes but pops back in time to turn the 619 attempt into a backbreaker. That gets two. Rey hits the buzzsaw after rolling through on the sunset flip. That gets two. Rey goes up, but ADR hits the sweet corner enzuigiri for two. Rey gets out of the cross armbreaker, gets the boot up in the corner, and hits the tornado DDT from the second buckle. Rey dodges another armbreaker attempt and hits 619. ADR gets the knees up as Rey drops the dime. Rey rolls away from the Si Kick and gets a roll up for the win. After the match, ADR attacks Rey, making sure to put on that cross armbreaker.
Final Thoughts: **1/2. This was just fine and had some neat makeshift psychology with Del Rio having the quickness to cut off most of Rey’s attempts from the top rope. JBL and Miz have negative chemistry at the table, which should surprise no one.
Naomi w/Cameron vs. Tamina Snuka w/AJ Lee
Emma from NXT is in the stands again, and is even pointed out by Naomi and Cameron. I was fearful that Cameron was wrestling this match, but thankfully, it is Naomi. Tamina overpowers to begin and shoves Naomi out of the ring over the top rope. Welp, Tamina nearly breaks Naomi’s neck in the same fashion that Chris Benoit broke Sabu’s. That’s always a scary miscommunication. Naomi kicks out and Tamina goes a chinlock. Snuka gets a guillotine in the ropes. Naomi fights back, but is certainly disoriented. The Miz agrees that Naomi has been slowed after being dropping on her head.
Naomi gets a leg lariat and hits a full nelson bomb. Cameron runs over AJ on the outside. This distracts Tamina for a roll up that gets two. Naomi hits an enzuigiri and hops up to finish Tamina off with a split legged moonsault.
Final Thoughts: Naomi is just fine in the ring, but might have seen her life flash before her eyes on that bump. Tamina is just dangerous. But, Naomi keeps this entertaining with her spots.
-WWE gives us a very nice video package on the life of the recently departed Mae Young.
-After we are treated to a fun video package detailing Bryan’s shitkicking of Bray Wyatt, we are joined by the patriarch himself. We’re out to the ring with Bray under a spotlight. He starts by talking about wanting to be powerful like his daddy. His father was never there for him, such is the life of Irwin R. Shyster. Bray says that his father cast him out to be a sheep like the fans. Sister Abigail saved him. She told him that he would be deceived again. Bray says that he’s already dead and that Bryan couldn’t hurt him. Bray says that Bryan will burn with the saints. This was a terrific, entertaining promo.
-Renee is back with Punk again. Now, Punk wants to also call out the New Age Outlaws to get that out of the way.
-The Bella Twins introduce the next match, and do a far better job than Eva, of course. There’s really no comparison.
Big E Langston vs. Fandango w/Summer Rae
Big E has stalled out of late, not being featured on Raw, and having that stinker of a match with Orton a week ago. Everything is just fine, though. I got some Summer Rae in my life. Big E appreciates the extended dance of Fandango and Summer Rae. He’s a cultured man. Fandango gets caught with a backbreaker to begin. Fandango rolls out of the ring. Fandango comes back with some strikes, but gets run over by the earthmoving Langston. Fandango gets the knee up on the corner charge and boots Langston out to the floor.
Fandango pulls the arm into the ring post and tosses Big E into the barricade. Then, it’s back into the ring with him. Fandango puts some knees into Langston’s arm and slugs away. Fandango gets a dropkick for two. ‘Go gets a short-armed clothesline. Big E bridges out of a wristlock like a boss and keeps Fandango out of the ring. Langston gets some clotheslines and hits the belly to belly. Langston hits the big splash. Fandango fights out of The Big Ending, but gets run over after a reversal. THE STRAPS ARE DOWN and The Big Ending finishes it up.
Final Thoughts: *1/2. I’m really enjoying the little bits of flair and creativity in Fandango’s offense. His armwork, while it played a bit role in the finish of the match, was effective, vicious, and resourceful. I wonder what the defense is for keeping The Big Ending as Big E’s finisher. I want to think it’s “we don’t want to have to rename it and everything!” The solution would be to just rename it The Big Ending Mark II. Also, it should be the jackhammer. Goldberg drives a hard bargain and the move needs to be unleashed.
-After showing The Ultimate Warrior’s induction video, The Miz gets off a good line. “FILL THE SPACESHIP WITH THE ROCKET FUEL!” I just found an excerpt for this article. Huzzah!
-Renee is backstage with The Shield now. She introduces them so well! Renee asks Dean if he would eliminate Seth from the Rumble if he had to. Dean responds with saying that he could never do that to his best friends. Dean’s eyes shoot open wide as Seth says that he couldn’t do it if he tried. Dean mentions that he lied about not tossing them out and that Seth should practice his landing. Reigns steps up and says that it’s every man for himself, but they’ll still be united after the match. Man, I wish we could get a real goal from them as a unit before they break up. Maybe they want exclusive access to the corporate jet to go along with the Shield Copter? I’ll miss these guys.
-Aksana also introduces an upcoming match, and does a much better job than Eva Marie. Aksana knows how to flirt with the camera and look like she MEANS IT, dammit!
The Real Americans w/Zeb Colter vs. The Usos
That bastard Big Show put poor Uncle Zeb in a wheelchair! In a funny bit before the match, the wheelchair is lost from Swagger and Cesaro as they do their salute at the top of the stage. Zeb has some inspiring words on the microphone before the match, rightfully calling Big Show a bully and calling upon Brock Lesnar to deliver swift and rough justice.
The Usos are adorned in DDP rib tape, selling their injuries from the cage match. Jimmy starts with Jack, and they slug it out. Swagger gets the best of it. Cesaro comes in with a charge shoulderthrust. Jack is back and they do some isolation until Jimmy fights out of the corner. Swagger lifts Cesaro into the corner onto Jimmy for a splash. Cesaro gets two. Antonio slugs away in the corner. We go to break.
We return with THE GIANT SWING. Good work, WWE. Swagger tags in and gets a slam for two. Jimmy fights out of the corner and comes off onto Swagger with a nice Whisper In The Wind. It’s time for the hot tag. Jey gets some clotheslines and kicks. Jey gets the hip smash in the corner for two, selling a bad shoulder all the while. Jey takes Swagger over with a Samoan drop for two. Cesaro breaks it up and goes outside with Jimmy. Jack grabs the Patriot Lock, but before the tap, takes a superkick to the face. Outside, Cesaro protects himself with Zeb in the wheelchair. For all of his great work, Cesaro goes into the barricade.
Jimmy gets his hands on Zeb, who had tripped him up, and runs him into Cesaro. They spill to the floor, Zeb falling out of his wheelchair. Back in, Jack is taken down with an electric chair. Jimmy hits the splash from the top for the win. Zeb is dead.
Final Thoughts: ***. This was just a lot of fun. But, I do worry that they’re building to Zeb’s contract running out. He’s been consistently entertaining and turning more so into that drunk uncle that embarrasses everyone. It’s a comedy character and he’s a great pro.
-It’s time for our main event confrontation. Punk is doing this to get what he wants, down the road. And, let the road to Punk/HHH begin. CM Punk begins to run HHH down with some truth bombs. They’re not really that groundbreaking or anything. The Shield quickly come down to the ring, and so does The New Age Outlaws. They surround the ring, and hold off quite a bit. Kane halts the proceedings. “STAND DOWN!” I feel like that’s a “The Rock” reference. Kane tries to convince Punk that The Authority is on his side, and that he is to be treated with respect on the way to WrestleMania. CM Punk tells Kane that his word means nothing since he became CORPORATE KANE. Kane says “Get him, boys.” But Kane is the one to strike, chokeslamming Punk to the mat…but in the process, saving him a giant asskicking to end the show. Hmmm.
–This wasn’t the best show, but I can hang my hat on a few of the promos that we were given. Zeb is the MVP of the broadcast, selling his injuries and being such a star in what was the main event by default. So, I’m quite happy that WWE thought better and got Bryan back to being Bryan. There was just such a release from the entire fan base on Monday night. On the board, one of our members likened it to Sting destroying the New World Order at the end of Uncensored in 1997. For the first time in a while, Bryan is ahead and actually got some pay off to a story line.
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