Jonathan Dehn
WWE Smackdown
12/27/2013
Corpus Christi, Texas
-John Cena is out to start the show. Tonight is important, since it’s the last Smackdown of the year. I’m hoping we don’t get Big Show in a diaper and squirting what I hope is milk into a backstage worker’s face. Cena lists some of his resolutions, and makes some clever pop culture references. He pledges to get started early on his XFL fantasy team. Heh. But, Cena wants to gain forty pounds for the New Year. He challenges Orton for the belts. The Shield interrupts. Cena gets beat down, but eventually both Mark Henry and Big E Langston come out to even the odds. I think we might have ourselves a main event. This is how I set up my TEW events when I don’t have any ideas before a PPV or I’m at the end of the month and just want to see if anyone new has entered the game world. However, GLEN comes out and separates them all into desirable singles matches instead. I’m rubbing my hands together at Rollins wrestling Cena.
-YEEEEAAAARRRGGGGGHHHH! Batista is on the way back and I might be more excited than I should be for that.
-And…there’s the New Year’s Baby sketch again. Maybe I wouldn’t find it as offensive if Big Show wasn’t holding the company hostage a few weeks ago. This is like Walter White teaching Jesse Pinkman how to roller skate just after choking out a murderous, drug dealing hostage in his basement.
The Usos vs. The Wyatt Family w/Bray Wyatt w/Rocking Chair
Harper starts off with Jimmy and gets dumped. Jey splashes Rowan. Jimmy gets two from a roll up, but gets knocked down with a right. Jimmy gets a Whisper in The Wind on Harper for two. Rowan gets a shot in from the apron and Harper hits the wicked clothesline. Rowan tags in and hits a splash for the win. After the match, Bray sends Jey in and gives him Sister Abigail. Cole asks just who is going to stop The Wyatt’s. Cena. It’s always Cena.
Final Thoughts: Oh, this was just a quick squash and a harbinger for things to come.
-Renee is backstage with Randy and asks him about his resolutions. Randy paints a fun picture of winning the Royal Rumble, watching WrestleMania from a skybox, and then retiring the next night on Raw while inducting himself into the Hall of Fame. Dolph Ziggler shows up because he needs to throw some more dirt on top of himself. GLEN pops up to put them into a match. Glen tells Randy to keep it clean backstage, but he can do whatever he wants to in public. That makes sense.
Cody Rhodes w/Goldust vs. Antonio Cesaro w/Jack Swagger and Zeb Colter
Cesaro begs off after a failed lockup. Cody takes over with a headlock and holds on for quite a while. Cesaro breaks out with a hammerlock, and Cody reverses into a front facelock. Cody runs Cesaro from the ring while being trapped in a hammerlock. Goldust taunts Cesaro and we head back in. Cody gets the corner sunset flip for two, but Cesaro pulls the ropes and Cody tumbles. Back in following a tense moment between teams, and Cesaro throws some punches in the corner. Cesaro grabs a suplex for two. Cody hits the high knee and gets a face first suplex for two. Cody gets a big clothesline, but a distraction from Swagger helps Cesaro hit an uppercut from behind and roll Cody up for the win.
Final Thoughts: *1/2 for the limited stuff that we were able to see. I want to see this again in the future, as these guys might be able to surprise a bunch of people with fifteen minutes.
Prime Time Players vs. Rybaxel
Young and Ryback start. Ryback bullies him a bit, but Young ducks and gets a big right and some strikes. Titus enters and drops Young on Ryback. We have ourselves a hoss-off, by gawd. Titus knocks him down and barks at him. Axel gets a blind tag and lifts a knee on Titus. Axel is so technically good, but you know… Axel grabs a dropkick and chokes Titus while telling him to bark like a dog. Ryback puts on a front facelock as I remember when Vince made Trish strip down to her underwear, crawl around the ring, and bark like a dog. Yay, Attitude Era?
Axel returns with a right to the gut, but takes a big boot. Young gets the tag and says that it’s his house after clearing the ring but before hitting a northern lights suplex for two. We break down, with Titus and Ryback tumbling to the outside. Young rolls through on the rollup and they pick up the win.
Final Thoughts: *1/2. This was just a basic TV match to toss in there. But, this is much better than they are presented on Raw. I’m also glad that Titus’ gastrointestinal issues are a thing of the past.
Randy Orton vs. Dolph Ziggler
Dolph is certainly retreating into Zack Ryder territory after WrestleMania. Maybe he should dye his hair entirely pink. He should get ready for next October early. JBL buries Dolph’s few strands of pink hair. He kind of goes on with this for a little while. After the early lockup, Orton grabs a headlock and dominates for a bit. JBL goes back to the pink hair. Dolph fights back and gets ten punches in the corner. Dolph hits a big elbow for two. I’m upset that the repeating elbow drops, his best face spot, is gone. I wonder who took it away. It surely wasn’t Dolph.
Orton gets the upper hand and stalks around for a bit. They trade strikes, and Dolph gets a dropkick that sends Orton outside. After the break, Dolph beats a ten count and gets back into the ring. Dolph is taking big bumps even as the company drops him further and further down the card. Orton gets two after a knee drop. We hit a chinlock. Dolph fights out, but runs into a knee. Dolph breaks the next chinlock with a jawbreaker and slugs away after a crossbody. Ziggler gets a corner splash, ten punches, and a neckbreaker. Another elbow drop gets two. Ziggler gets a DDT after a reversal sequence and that gets two.
Dolph gets crotched at the top, but knocks Orton off. Dolph comes off and hits a missile dropkick for two. Dolph runs Orton into the ring post and gets a Fameasser for two. Randy puts a thumb into Ziggler’s eye and hits an RKO out of nowhere for the win. After the match, Orton batters Ziggler on the outside and gets his heat back and then some. Dolph is game to make him look great and bump all over the ringside area like a pinball. That draping DDT from the barrier sends Dolph freefalling back into whatever hole WWE wants him in.
Final Thoughts: ***. The match was just fine and good, and I guess the ending pissed me off. A thumb to the eye to set up a finisher is a not entirely strong. The story of this match, brought up by JBL, is that people need to watch what they say, or Orton will humble them. I’m not sure how you punish Dolph by giving him a long match with Randy Orton, but okay then.
-The Shield, led by Ambrose, say that 2014 will be just as 2013 was for The Shield. Ambrose is wearing a pretty badass Shield hoody. Yes, I’d buy that.
Daniel Bryan vs. Damien Sandow
Bryan ducks away from Sandow and kicks away in the corner. Sandow grabs a headlock, but eats a knee on the whip. Sandow gets the upperhand and tosses Bryan outside. Damien puts Bryan into the barricade and puts him back inside for two. Damien drops the elbow for two and goes to a resthold. Bryan fights back, but takes a back elbow. Bryan flips out of the corner and hits the clothesline. Bryan hits the corner dropkick and goes up to hit a ‘rana. Damien ducks the buzzsaw with a rollup, but then gets his head kicked off. Bryan closes him out with the Cena Killer.
After the match, Bray and friends get up onto the stage to be a buzz kill. Bryan can’t even squash someone in peace. Bray says that he’s a God. WHAT IS THE PAYOFF???
Final Thoughts: *. During the match, they went on about other things about the competitors, making what we were watching seem entirely arbitrary. It’s so normal these days, but I hate it when the action interrupts whatever Cole is being fed to say. What an inconvenience this wrestling thing is to his job as an announcer for World Wrestling Entertainment.
Dean Ambrose vs. Big E Langston
Big E comes out with Mark Henry, who tells us that his music is just not music and someone is going to get their ass kicked. John Cena also comes out in support, as these matches are going to be happening one after another. Langston charges Dean into the corner to start but Dean gets a boot up and beats away. Ambrose talks of unification all of the time, apparently. He hits the dropkick into the ropes and drives a knee in. Ambrose gets caught at the top and thrown off. Langston gets some offense and finishes with the big splash. Ambrose dumps him, however. Dean tosses him back in but walks into The Big Ending for the win. Afterwards, Big E and Reigns have a stare down. Henry steps up to have his match next.
Final Thoughts: *. They’re starting to tease the Ambrose and Reigns rivalry in commentary now and we’re certainly heading towards a Big E and Roman face off at the Rumble.
Roman Reigns vs. Mark Henry
Reigns tries to topple Henry to start, but gets tosses outside. Henry tosses him around out there and they head back in. Henry gets a big boot, but Roman answers with a clothesline and stomps. Reigns goes to the chinlock. Henry throws him off and runs through him a few times. Henry gets the JYD headbutt and splashes Reigns in the corner. Roman hits the Samoan drop and follows with the Superman punch. Reigns hits a spear and wins decisively.
Final Thoughts: This was pretty much a squash for Reigns. I don’t think he’s ready, but he’s certainly going to be a huge star once he is ready.
Seth Rollins vs. John Cena
Cena breaks a headlock and they take it to the ground and do some wrasslin’. Henry is selling the hell out of the spear on the outside, crawling around on the floor as if he were looking for a misplaced contact lens. Rollins takes a hiptoss from the whip and rolls to the floor. Alright, Mark Henry may have a lacerated liver, bless him. Cena misses a corner charge and gets stomped. Cena fights back with rights. Seth wiggles out of a bulldog and hits a clothesline. Rollins puts on a chinlock with gusto, if that’s possible. There’s much going on during his resthold. Cena powers out and puts Seth into the corner. Rollins gets a boot up on the charge, however. Seth gets a neckbreaker for two and we hit the break.
We’re back with Seth knocking Cena down with a right. Rollins gets a hard corner whip on Cena. Rollins misses a charge in the corner and both are down. Cena hits some shoulderblocks, but Rollins flips out of the suplex and trips Cena into the second buckle. That was pretty cool. Cena reverses out of a neckbreaker, and hits the slam to set up the fist drop. Seth fights out of the AA and hits the prettiest blockbuster I’ve ever seen. Of course, I’ve mostly just seen Buff Bagwell do the move. Rollins hits a corner charge. Cena dodges the corner splash and hits the new neckbreaker for two. Cena goes to the top, but Rollins crotches him.
Seth hits a flipping reverse DDT (like Sliced Bread #2) for two and is looking like a big, god damned star. Rollins slugs away as Cena fights back to his feet. Rollins tries to slug out and roll out of a powerbomb, but Cena has none of it and drive him down with one of the sit-out variety for a near fall. The AA takes Rollins to the ropes. Cena tries to pull him away, but Seth whirls around and hits a sweet enzuigiri for two. Seth gets the knee from the top and Cena JUST kicks out. Cena catches Rollins on the curb stomp and puts on the STF. Rollins makes the ropes. On the outside, it breaks down, with the faces getting the better of Reigns and Ambrose. Cena catches a flying Rollins, rolls through, and puts him away with the AA.
Final Thoughts: ****. This was great and I’m delighted that it ended in such a neat and tidy fashion.
–Other than the Orton/Ziggler match, which had a somber tone before it even occurred, the rest of the show is filler until the main event, where Seth Rollins earned himself some talk as the best member of The Shield. Cena and he worked so damned well together, and now the company has another match in their back pocket that can deliver. Also, I’ve noticed that Cena hatred isn’t as strong as it once was. WWE doesn’t mute the chants at all, and I noticed a lack of loathing towards Cena. It might have something to do with the fact that Cena has this terrific chemistry with all of these Ring of Honor guys and delivering terrific matches when healthy and given the time. We’ll just have to see where his character is when they head back to the north, however.
