Jonathan Dehn
WWE Smackdown
11/29/2013
Mohegan Sun, Connecticut
-Randy Orton is interviewed in the ring by Renee Young about his current story line. He leaves, not answering the tough questions. This was super boring, anyway. Renee was fine, though.
-Backstage, Vickie is throwing a Thanksgiving leftover part. Damien Sandow is eating Chinese takeout. Vickie promises that this party will not spiral out of control…and has Khali and Titus have an impromptu eating contest. Yay.
Mark Henry w/Big E Langston vs. Curtis Axel w/Ryback
Axel gets a few strikes, but Henry takes over with a corner splash. Axel takes a back elbow as Ryback gets in a cheapshot on Langston. Axel hits a dropkick to the knee and hits a DDT for just one. Henry shrugs him off, but Axel works the knee. Curtis gets some grounded right hands and puts on a chinlock. Mark gets a headbutt and a big boot. Mark hits the JYD headbutts and drives Axel from the ring. Ryback tries to charge Langston, but gets run over. Henry catches a punch, crushes the hand, tosses him inside and hits the World’s Strongest Slam for the quick win.
Final Thoughts: I continue to enjoy Henry and Langston’s partnership.
-Truth and Woods are hanging out in the back. Clay turns heel and tells Woods to respect his place and not steal his gimmick. Brodus better watch out, as Woods wears as badass black Power Ranger shirt. They don’t just give those out, you know? Clay shoves him into a locker. Tensai shows up to break up the fight.
-Elsewhere, the eating contest continues. AJ Lee and Tamina show up, much to Vickie’s dismay. Vickie threatens them and they scurry off. That was unnecessary. As a reward for winning the eating contest, Titus has to face Antonio Cesaro. I guess he’s supposed to vomit now.
The Plymouth Rockers (3MB) vs. Los Matadores and El Torito
It’s a shame that 3MB is going to lose, since they came out The Rockers’ old theme. It was nice to hear that thing. El Torito and Heath begin the match. Slater misses a corner charge, of course. 3MB come in to corner the little guy, but Los Matadores break it up. There are some dives that take out 3MB. Fernando tags in and gets caught on the ropes by Slater, who brings in Jinder for stomps. Drew comes in for a quick double team. McIntyre clubs away, but takes a DDT. Torito tags in and clears away 3MB. There’s a mystifying arm drag on Drew. Drew gets suckered in by El Torito and gets hit with the double team slam for the loss.
Final Thoughts: This needed a large suspension of disbelief. Also, we’ve seen this match quite a bit.
Tons of Funk w/ The Funkadactyls vs. R-Truth and Xavier Woods
It’s funny that Brodus Clay referred to himself as a main event player when bullying Woods. Still, the table is not selling him as a heel. That’s just confusing. Tensai runs through Truth to start after a dance war. Tensai gets a corner splash, but Truth stops the second and hits a leg lariat. Woods comes in off of the tag and stuns Tensai. Clay tags in and destroys Woods. Kind of. But, at the same time, it’s sloppy. The Funkadactyls kind of go through the motions when dancing after the match. But, they start smiling and forgetting that they’re supposed to be selling a heel turn.
Final Thoughts: Whatever. Where is Woods supposed to go since he just got punked out by Brodus Clay and squashed in the middle of the ring?
-Renee is backstage with Punk. He confirms that he hasn’t heard from Bryan since Bryan was carried off on Raw. Punk says that he’ll get to the bottom of the reason for the attack from The Shield. Since it pertains to HHH, he won’t solve anything. I can’t wait for The Bella Twins to act like nothing is wrong when they wrestle tonight. Hey, remember when Cena was having a good time with Strahan after his future brother in –law was kidnapped? That was cool.
-Bray Wyatt gives us a moment of his time. Yep, Daniel Bryan is still kidnapped.
Titus O’Neil w/Darren Young vs. Antonio Cesaro w/Zeb Colter and Jack Swagger
Titus hits a shoulderblock and sells his full stomach. Titus rumbles around the ring, and takes a dropkick. Cesaro beats away in the corner. Titus answers back with a big boot and….almost vomits. Cesaro hits in the stomach a few times. Cesaro gets the gutwrench and then gives Titus The Giant Swing. Young interrupts for the DQ to save Titus from vomiting.
Final Thoughts: I’m guessing that Titus vomited after Raw on Monday and this is WWE’s way of supporting him. Oh, Titus vomits into JBL’s hat. They even censored the vomiting. I thought this was cable. Oh, Titus then, for an unexplained reason, puts the vomit filled hat onto Cole’s head. This was not funny. Oh, and Titus grabbed Zeb for some reason and threw up on him too. Vince is a genius!
-The Total Divas shill some merchandise, including Brie, who isn’t trying to track down her fiancé. Anyways, just wait until Monday to get a new promo code.
WWE Tag Team Championship Match – The Rhodes Brothers © vs. The Shield
This match is…opening up the second hour of Smackdown. In reality, it needs a few angles and should be settled at TLC. I guess that Cole and Layfield vomiting on each other for ten minutes is our main event. On a side note, I’d like to know where The Shield resides. Maybe they’re from Auburn Hills, Michigan. Cody and Seth begin this match. Dean Ambrose is on commentary. Cody grabs a headlock. Seth grabs a rear waistlock and they run. Cody catches the foot and hits a scoop slam. Goldust tags and slugs from the second rope. Goldy gets a knee drop for two. Cody comes back in from the top with an elbow to the arm and gets a suplex. Dean probably gets in trouble on commentary, saying that The Rock is gone because he can’t hang and that he’s back in Hollywood. Goldust takes on Reigns. Goldy gets a few punches, but get knocked out of the ring by Reigns.
Reigns is in control momentarily, but Goldust gets a dropkick. Cody comes in and the brothers clear the ring to some nice pops. We hit a commercial break. We return with Cody holding an armbar on Seth. Rollins fight out, but takes a back elbow. Rollins slithers out from The Alabama Slam and gets a sunset flip for two. Seth hits an enzuigiri and a hard corner whip. Cody takes a double team and gets knocked outside by Reigns. Cody fights back, but gets an elbow to the gut for two. Rollins returns and clubs away. Cody fights out of the corner and dumps Rollins high over the top. There’s the hot tag, and Goldust takes it to the young Reigns. Reigns powers out from a crossbody, but walks into a powerslam for two. Rollins runs in and gets sent out after an atomic drop. Reigns dumps Goldust in turn. We hit another break.
Ambrose kicks his feet up on the desk as he enjoys Reigns and Rollins dissecting Goldust. Goldust drags himself back to his feet and gets some right hands on Rollins, but gets run over. Rollins gets a senton splash for two. Goldust gets a quick rollup for two and hits a DDT. Reigns comes in and cuts off the hot tag. Cody breaks up the count on a clothesline. Ambrose admonishes Cody for burning a save in a nice small touch. I believe that each team, historically and even now, gets just two legal saves in a match.
Roman gets in some strikes to keep Goldust down. Reigns is cut hard way just below the right eye. Rollins tags in, but the team takes a rebounding elbow from the corner from Goldust. Cody gets the hot tag in comes in with the springboard dropkick. Cody hits the high knee and gets a corner sunset flip for two. Cody is caught on the moonsault and runs into a corner elbow. Rollins puts Cody back into the buckle and goes up. Cody meets him at the top and hooks him. Cody hits the muscle buster, but Reigns makes the save. Reigns and Goldust battle on the outside, with Reigns putting him into the barricade. Cody comes off the top and springs onto The Shield with that surprising agility.
Cody misses the moonsault, and belly flops into an empty pool. Cody gets Cross Rhodes, but Ambrose runs in for the DQ. CM Punk is out to kick some ass with a chair. Reigns gets one across the back and the heels are kept at bay. Vickie turns this into a six man match.
The Rhodes Brothers and CM Punk vs. The Shield
They’re sure getting a lot out of these guys tonight. Punk and Dean start this match, with Dean being put into the corner. Punk hits some elbows in the corner and peppers in a clothesline. Goldust enters and gives Dean a clothesline, his makeup entirely gone. Cody is in next to beat away at Dean Ambrose, hitting a back body drop as well. Punk returns with a right hand from the top. Punk misses a corner knee but gets a deathlock on a returning Rollins. Goldy tags back in and works at the leg. Cody comes in and keeps up the pressure, tossing Seth from the ring.
On the outside, Cody puts Seth into the barricade. Back in, Goldust returns and the brothers give Rollins a wishbone. Quick tags here, leading to Punk giving Rollins a backbreaker for two. Punk twists up Rollins with a bridged deathlock and Cody tags in gives him a half crab for good measure. Rollins reverses and puts Cody into the corner. Dean tags in and stomps away as we hit another break.
Ambrose gets a hard corner whip as we return. Cody flips out of a back suplex and gets a boot up in the corner. Cody is such a terrific athlete. Punk enters and beats around Ambrose, getting the corner knee and swinging neckbreaker. Punk goes for the GTS, but the Wyatt Family pop up randomly to distract Punk. Reigns enters and beats away at Punk. As WWE crowds do often, they chant for Daniel Bryan. Rollins continues with more of the same. Punk gets the neckbreaker and DDT on Rollins and Ambrose. Before Punk can get the hot tag, The Wyatt’s pop up and pull The Rhodes Brothers from the apron and beat them up for the DQ. The Usos and Rey Mysterio pop up to even the odds, now. Vickie pops up and makes this a twelve man match, now. I do feel that this entire thing is being wasted on Smackdown. And Bryan should replace Rey, but whatever.
The Rhodes Brothers, CM Punk, The Usos and Rey Mysterio vs. The Wyatt Family and The Shield
We pop in with Harper working on Jimmy Uso and beating away in the corner. Jimmy gets a boot up in the corner and a rollup, but eats a back elbow. That will be about twenty back elbows in this segment alone. Bray comes in for some stomps and boots and then Harper returns with a boot. Luke gets a Gator Roll that moves into a side headlock. Luke moves to a European uppercut. Jimmy gets an elbow up and Rey comes in with a whirling DDT. Some kicks let Rey get up top for a press. But Harper nails a big boot for two. Bray reenters and throws Rey around. Rowan enters and hits a hard scoop slam. Erick follows up with a big bearhug.
Rowan hits a big sideslam after Rey fights back. Rowan tags in Ambrose, who works at Rey, stopping him from tagging. Rey breaks free, but takes a charging knee for two. Rollins tags in, but Rey fights back with and enzuigiri. Punk meets Rowan in the middle with clotheslines. Rowan finally spills outside with an enzuigiri to the face. Punk gets a dive, goes back inside, and takes a series of corner knees. Punk gets the neckbreaker and goes up. Punk hits the elbow for two. We break down. Goldust gets a spear, but The Usos start kicking faces and flying around. Bray stops the GTS and has Sister Abigail broken up by Rey. Rowan takes a 619 and Punk hits the GTS to end this damned hour of wrestling. Wow.
Final Thoughts: I’ll take a straight hour of wrestling any day of the week. ***1/2 for everything, and big credit to Goldust, Cody, Rollins, and Reigns for lasting the entire hour like they did. Admirable.
–Completely ignore the first hour and start watching at the tag title match. Then you’re good. Meanwhile, the main event angle stuff is stupid and there’s vomit all over this show. You’re left with the shining jewels of WWE, and that’s not bad.
