Through the Years: Saturday Night’s Main Event #14

 

Hard to believe that this is the 14th episode of this show that I’ll be watching. After the last episode, it was made clear that Hulk Hogan will be facing King Kong Bundy once again! The rest of the card is something that I’ll be looking at as the show goes on. I don’t want to know! I guess I’m hyped for this, but it’s weird that I’ll be hopping right from one big show in a promotion to another in the same promotion. That hasn’t happened yet. They taped this a month in advance, which is a little weird. Let’s get to it!

 

– Taped to air January 2nd, 1988, from the Capital Centre in Landover, Maryland

 

Time for another epic intro. Jake Roberts gets promo time! Greg Valentine and Jimmy Hart! Strike Force! Bolsheviks! King Kong Bundy! Hulk Hogan! The Roberts and Valentine promos being back to back are a little misleading, as Roberts is facing Sika, and Valentine is facing Koko B. Ware.

Vince McMahon and Jesse Ventura are our hosts for this card which has a really disappointing attendance figure of 11,000. Much less than the capacity of the arena, and for being in the DC market, doubly more disappointing. Jesse may have wanted to put a more conservative shirt on. His body wasn’t looking so great. They run down the show, which I’m not completely aware of. Some weird matches. The broadcast transitions to Hogan preparing for his match, and being interviewed by Gene Okerlund. Too bad this promo isn’t on YouTube, I’d love to share it. It was awesome. BUNDAMANIA IS GOING DOWN.

 

The Bolsheviks (w/Slick) vs. Strike Force in a 2 out of 3 falls match for the WWF Tag Team Championships

Pre-Match Thoughts: It’s weird to see the Bolsheviks getting a shot at the titles. Gene Mean is with the Bolsheviks, and Slick does the speaking on their behalf. He doesn’t like Strike Force, nor their CAPITALIST PROPAGANDA. OH SHIT. He suggests that his team met with Mikhail Gorbachev. Sure they did. Volkoff has an anthem to sing, during which Strike Force’s title win is displayed. Now they’re interviewed, and I can see one major flaw with this team. Neither of them can give a great babyface promo, at least certainly not compared to the other tag teams in the promotion. Going to be hard for them to carry this match, too.

Fall #1: It looks like Santana and Zhukov will begin. Zhukov knocks Santana down, but is given a bodyslam. He responds with a hip toss, and Santana comes back with an arm drag. Martel tags in, they land a double shot on the Soviet, and Strike Force continues to switch. Volkoff tags in, and Martel cradles him up for 2. Martel also puts Volkoff in a small package, getting another close count. It’s Zhukov’s turn, and Santana tags in to give him a body press for 2. Volkoff switches in and hits him with a clothesline for 2 again, then Volkoff uses heel tactics like choking. Zhukov tags back in, and lands a back suplex for 2. He goes to the chinlock, and follows with a bodyslam. After missing an elbow drop, Santana tags out, and Martel is all charged up. He hits Zhukov with a hip toss, and a backdrop. To the Boston crab he goes, and Zhukov gives up at 4:23. I’ve noticed more and more over time that hardly anyone in this period has a submission finisher, and even less often do wrestlers give up to it. Back with the second fall after a commercial!

Fall #2: It starts with Santana dropkicking Volkoff over the top rope, then he and Martel hit Zhukov with a double dropkick. After a bodyslam, Martel goes for the Boston crab, and Volkoff heads in to break it up. He’s allowed to stay in the ring, and he drops Martel on the top rope. Cheating! Nikolai follows with a gutwrench suplex for 2. He gives Martel a backbreaker for 2, and uses some HEADBUTTS. Martel tries to kick his way away from Nikolai, but Volkoff pulls him back, and tags in Zhukov for a double back elbow, getting a 2 count. Weird how Volkoff tagged and never left the ring. Martel comes back with a sunset flip that gets 2, and runs into Volkoff, knocking both of them down. Santana makes the tag, and comes in with a dropkick to both Bolsheviks, multiple times. He hits Zhukov with the FLYING FOREARM, but Volkoff breaks the cover. Martel rushes in to get him out of there, and the referee decides to usher Martel out. Volkoff gets Slick’s cane, winds up, and accidentally clocks Zhukov with it. Over for the cover, and Santana gets it to retain the titles at 7:55.

My Thoughts: This was far better than expected. I guess that’s what happens when two excellent workers like Santana and Martel are in a match. They can carry matches like this, even against sub-standard opponents. That doesn’t mean the match was great, but it was acceptable, and I enjoyed it, relatively speaking. **. It’s easy to see that there were no long term plans with Strike Force, just as there were no long term plans for any other tag team. The tag team division had great teams in it, but it wasn’t treated like a place where feuds happened, or where hate was built between teams. Other than the Hart Foundation vs. British Bulldogs feud, that’s how everything has gone from 1985 until the beginning of 1988.

 

Sika (w/Mr. Fuji) vs. Jake Roberts

Pre-Match Thoughts: There’s not a lot to say about the match itself. It’s going to be a squash, right? Before we get started, Gene Mean is with Mr. Fuji. Fuji has a jar full of mustard, and in comes Sika with a giant loaf of bread. The bread is for…A SNAKE SANDWICH! Ha, that’s gross. Good idea for an interview though! Roberts is interviewed too, and that giant snake creeps me the hell out, to be honest.

Match Review: Sika tries to drive Roberts back into the corner, but Jake gets out and gives his large opponent two arm drags. They trade punches after that, until Roberts dodges a clothesline to the delight of the crowd. Sika whips him into the corner, and is given a huge backdrop. That bump looked like it hurt. Fuji hits Roberts with his cane a few times, with the referee not paying any attention. Why not do that? Sika puts a nerve hold on the Snake, as the announcers talk about Sika being hungry to eat Damien. Roberts gets up, and lands a knee lift, then goes into his usual finishing offense. Fuji tries to trip him, which allows Sika to get back into things. However, he misses a charge, Roberts rolls him up, and gets the pin at 3:35.

After the match, Jake goes for his snake, and it just so turns out that Fuji is in the ring. Jake gives him the DDT, and the damage from that makes Fuji start humping the canvas. Haha. Now the snake is around Fuji, until Sika can pull him out of the ring.

My Thoughts: This was a Roberts showcase, and it wasn’t a particularly good match. Roberts wasn’t always a workrate specialist, and against guys like these, I doubt anyone could be. 1/2*. It really was that boring.

 

King Kong Bundy (w/Andre the Giant) vs. Hulk Hogan for the WWF Championship

Pre-Match Thoughts: So as expected, Andre is in Bundy’s corner in an official capacity for this contest. Andre is amusing during the promo before the match. Hogan’s interview is kind of disturbing. STRUCK BY LIGHTNING…oh yeah, and Ronald Reagan is his main man. Oh dear.

Match Review: The match starts off with some shoves, and Bundy charges at Hogan after being shoved, only to miss that charge. Bundy gets rammed into a bunch of turnbuckles, then given a big boot to knock him down to the floor. Andre heads over to Bundy as the challenger regroups, smart move to bring that into play so early. Back inside, Hogan lands a clothesline, knocking Bundy out again. Once again, inside the ring, Hogan takes control, this time after punches. Weird match thus far. Bundy reverses an armbar into one of his own, and pulls hair to drag Hogan down. Hogan gets up and out of it, then is given a back elbow. Bundy goes back to the arm, with that hold continuing for quite a while. He breaks out of it with some punches, then slams Bundy down. After missing an elbow drop, Bundy slams Hogan, and misses an elbow drop of his own. Hogan whips Bundy into the corner, and clotheslines him. Then, Hogan gets whipped into the corner, with the referee barely dodging it. However, he doesn’t dodge Bundy’s avalanche attempt, and gets destroyed. Bundy misses a splash attempt, and tumbles down to the floor after a punch. Another referee comes into the ring, and…I’m confused as hell. They put him on a gurney and carry him to the match, and it will continue after the commercial break.

Back from that commercial, it starts back up, with Bundy giving Hogan a clothesline. He follows with a knee drop, and it gets a 2 count. Bundy chops Hogan over the top rope, and stomps on him when he comes back in. Bundy knocks Hogan down with a shoulderblock, and covers for 2. He puts a chinlock on Hogan, and I’m going to take that time to rest my fingers. Alright, that’s over, and both combatants get up so that Bundy can give Hogan…THE AVALANCHE! For some reason, Bundy picks him back up, and tries it again. He lands another AVALANCHE, and follows it with a BIG SPLASH. Naturally, Hogan kicks out at 2, and the usual happens. Hogan throws Bundy into the corner, Bundy falls down, and Hogan DROPS THE LEG. 1-2-3, at 12:09. Of course Hogan retains.

Once that’s over, Hogan calls Andre into the ring. Looking forward to seeing what happens here. Apparently, Andre is going to leave. However, Hogan turns his back to pose, and Andre rushes into the ring! He grabs Hogan by the hair, and HEADBUTTS him. He puts a choke on Hogan, as the crowd has been stunned into silence. Stunned into silence heat is the best heat. The British Bulldogs hit the ring, and try to beat Andre up until he lets go. What are those two manlets going to do to a giant like Andre? Naturally, he rams them both together and deposits them to the outside. Haha. Now, Strike Force, Jake Roberts, and Junkyard Dog hit the ring. But, it takes HACKSAW TO PUT A STOP TO IT. He cracks the 2×4 over Andre’s back repeatedly, and Andre goes to chase him down. The other guys take their chance to drag Hogan out of the ring, as Duggan very stupidly breaks his 2×4 over the ring apron, sending wood flying into the crowd. I think it’s over now.

My Thoughts: That match sucked in comparison to the last one between these two. That being said, what happened after the match was better than both of those matches put together. It was an extremely real looking angle, and Hogan was made to look weaker than ever before. *1/4 for the match, and I’m glad this is the last time I’ll ever watch one between these two. I genuinely mean that. Never again. As for what was wrong with it, it’s a little difficult to explain. Sometimes the SNME matches are built as much around what happens in the middle of the match as the end of the match. Viewer retention during the commercial break was pretty important for them. The post-match was great, but it doesn’t factor into the rating as it wasn’t part of the match.

 

Greg Valentine (w/Jimmy Hart) vs. Koko B. Ware

Pre-Match Thoughts: The HAMMER is a full-time singles competitor once again! Ventura interviews the duo of Hart and Valentine, and they make fun of Gene Mean. That’s fucked up. Wow, Valentine calls Brutus Beefcake…a fruitcake. Okerlund interviews Koko B. Ware, who sings his way through that interview. I loved Koko when I was a kid, but I’m an adult now. The character was so minstrel. Whenever Ventura calls him “Buckwheat,” as he tends to do, my enthusiasm for wrestling gets sapped more and more. Not cool.

Match Review: They lock up, and Valentine drops Koko throat-first on the top rope. Valentine follows with his usual punches and stuff, getting a 2 count. He goes for the figure-four early, but Koko kicks him away. Valentine goes back to work with some hard chops, stomps, and a double axehandle from the top rope. After an elbow drop, he covers again for 2. The Hammer puts a chinlock on Koko, and Hart keeps everyone entertained by consistently running his mouth. That megaphone must drive the ringside fans NUTS. The Hammer dumps Koko to the outside, drags him back in, and clotheslines him for 2. This is like a squash match. I guess Brutus Beefcake feels the same way I do, because he’s headed down to the ring! Koko rolls Valentine up for 2, and gets 2 on a small package as well. A backslide gets botched, and Valentine leaves the ring, only to be relentlessly taunted by Beefcake. Finally Beefcake is told to leave, and we get back to the match. Good riddance.

We rejoin the match after the commercial, with Valentine continuing to dish out a beating to Koko. He gives Koko a backdrop too, and drops the elbow once again, for a 2 count. Koko is then bodyslammed, and Valentine heads up top for…Koko to slam him down to the canvas. Koko gets in a dropkick, and knocks Valentine down with a headbutt. Koko heads up to the second rope, and down with a fist drop for 2. Valentine comes back with a knee-breaker, and locks in the FIGURE-FOUR. I think that’s it, and then it is it, at 7:30. Rare submission win for the Hammer!

Valentine puts the hold back on after the match, and Beefcake runs out once again to stop it. He clears Valentine from the ring, and chases him backstage. That’s always funny! Beefcake then runs back to the ring, and Jimmy Hart is still in there. He’s screwed. Beefcake goes to work, and CHOPS OFF SOME HAIR. That’s probably it for the ring action.

My Thoughts: This was very similar to a squash match. No complaints, but I had hoped for more interesting characters in the final match. That wasn’t the case, but I’ll live. *3/4. It was acceptable enough, but not better than the “best” match on this show. Valentine can have better matches with different wrestlers.

 

Our closing segment is a series of interviews. First up is Andre the Giant, with Bobby Heenan. Andre said that what he did felt so good, then scares Okerlund with a fake choke. Okerlund then has a report on Hogan’s condition, which Ventura is laughing at. Apparently, he’s sustained damage to his windpipe, and that’s it. Hardly a big deal. That’s the end of the show!

 

This card was largely built around one angle, and the rest was junk. That angle was a great one, but the rest of the show was a chore. Nothing on it had the presumption of being a competitive match. Come on, everyone knows that the Bolsheviks aren’t going to do shit. Everyone knows that Sika and Koko B. Ware aren’t going to either. Of course, in this period of the WWF, they could put out a pile of crap and a lot of people would watch it anyway. That’s what they did. This is probably the worst episode since the first one. The angle saved it from being even worse, and set the ball rolling on a lot of good things. Next up is the Royal Rumble!

Wrestling Time: 31:09. This is lower than usual, but the angle after the Hogan match compensates. Frankly, I’d rather see that than see any of the matches have been longer than they were.

Best: Hogan vs. Andre angle. Obviously.

Worst: Jake Roberts vs. Sika. This was just not good.

Card Rating: 3.5/10. Avoid.