Sage Cortez
After the lull of the last two months in WWF land, I believe it is imperative that the show they’ve talked about and built up to on other Saturday Night’s Main Events must deliver. In terms of match quality, it has the best title match. It also has a matchup in a mini-feud that has been built up, which is the Hillbillies vs. Piper and his guys. I also think that some clean finishes are needed. There have not been very many of them. It also bears mentioning that for the first time in SNME history, the WWF is heavily encroaching on the area of another territory, and they’re doing so with a CWF fixture in a WWF title match. For that matter, it’s the first time they’ve taped TV outside of the Northeast, by my count. Not bad thinking on their part.
– Taped to Air January 4th, 1986, from Tampa, Florida
We open the show with MEAN GENE AND THE HULKSTER DRINKING THEIR JUICE AND TAKING THEIR VITAMINS, BROTHER. There’s also a clip of Roddy Piper and Jesse Ventura surrounded by hot women while watching the Hillbillies in the ocean. Oooooookay. After the introduction video, we get a rundown of the matches. Corporal Kirchner and Nikolai Volkoff will apparently be having a PEACE MATCH. A Peace Match? Steele vs. Savage, Muraco & Fuji vs. JYD & Steamboat. It’s all happening!
Jesse Ventura, Roddy Piper, & Bob Orton vs. Uncle Elmer, Cousin Luke, & Hillbilly Jim
Pre-Match Thoughts: Everything starts with Jesse cutting a promo at the announce table, and he tells Vince that Bobby Heenan will be replacing him on commentary. Yes! Piper and Ventura cut another promo, then head to the ring and wait for the hillbillies to cut a promo of their own. Jim sounds like he’s reading off a teleprompter. This is one of the only notable matches that the stable will ever have, and I will determine whether or not that’s a good thing after the match. I can safely say I don’t think it’s going to be any good.
Match Review: Jesse and Elmer will start, and the ring appears to be quite small. Maybe they’re just big. Ventura beats up Elmer, but the big man fights back and knocks Jesse into the turnbuckle. He picks Jesse up by the neck and drops him, then Jim tags in and headlocks the voice of SNME. Jesse gives Jim a kneelift, and tags in Piper. Jim tags in Luke, Piper asks to shake his hand, and the moron kicks Piper in the gut! Well I’ll be. Piper tags in Orton, and they give Luke a double back elbow. Piper tags back in, chops Luke in the throat, and gives him a kneelift as well. Orton tags in, and it’s safe to say the right man has been chosen for this face in peril formula. The only one who can move. Jesse tags in and stomps on Luke’s face, then tags in Piper, who slaps Luke and pokes him in the eye. Orton goes up top and lands an elbow on Luke’s head, then tags in Piper. They do a false tag with Jim, and of course the referee doesn’t see it. Orton slams Luke, and in a nonsensical bit, Elmer tags in along with Piper. They trade punches, Elmer puts Piper in a bearhug, and shockingly the crowd likes it. Everyone brawls now, the crowd goes nuts, and Piper’s team is going to take a timeout as we go to commercial break.
Back from the break, Piper’s team runs back into the ring, and he gets control of Hillbilly Jim. Jim starts no-selling headbutts, gains control of Piper, and Piper slaps the big man. Piper and his team triple team Jim, but Jim makes it to his corner and tags in Cousin Luke. The crowd goes tepid as Luke beats up all three heels with double-handed punches, and Piper puts Luke in a SLEEPER! The Hillbillies try to save Cousin Luke, but he saves himself by breaking the hold and falling back into the ropes. Orton clocks Luke in the head with his cast, Piper puts on the SLEEPER again, and Luke passes out. Dave Hebner checks to see if Luke is awake, he’s not, and Piper’s team wins the bout at around 7 minutes shown.
Piper’s squad runs to the back, Ventura cuts a promo at the announce table during which he takes his spot back, and I suppose that’s the end of this segment.
My Thoughts: This was big on cheese, not very big on wrestling. It’s made worse by the two best workers in the match (Orton & Piper) being on the same team, and not being in the match for all that long or being able to set the pace. So, it’s not my style of the match. I’ll give it 3/4* with credit for a real finish, although with cheating. I’ll take what I can get!
Terry Funk (w/Jimmy Hart) vs. Hulk Hogan (w/Junkyard Dog) for the WWF Championship
Pre-Match Thoughts: Leading into this match, we get to watch a strange video with WWF guys shown at a water park. Jimmy Hart and Junkyard Dog are having a water slide contest. Whoever gets down the slide fastest wins. JYD won. Terry Funk is at the pool afterwards, and cuts a promo on Hulk Hogan. After that, a clip of a Denver house show match is shown, during which Terry popped Hogan in the head with his branding iron, and then branded his body. Hogan has an interview about it, and says that JYD will be in his corner! For the first time in this review series, Hogan enters the ring to Real American! Historic moment if there ever was one.
Match Review: JYD makes Hart sit in a chair at the beginning of the match, cause that’s where he belongs brother. Hogan and Terry lock up, and do a sequence where Terry gets clotheslined out of the ring from the corner. Terry gets back in the ring, chops Hogan, and gets clotheslined over the top rope! Back in he comes again, and they do a funny bit where Funk tries to duck down under Hogan as he runs, but with Hogan stepping on Terry’s back until he crawls out of the ring. After another good bit with Terry throwing a chair into the ring and Hogan sitting in it, Terry and Hogan trade blows again. Hogan launches Terry into the corner, Terry flips onto the apron, and Hogan hauls him back in for a back suplex. Cover gets 2. Terry kicks Hogan in the nuts and heads up top, but Hogan grabs the top rope and crotches Terry. Hogan gives Terry an atomic drop, and a headbutt. Hogan gives Terry a big clothesline, a big elbow drop, but Jimmy Hart grabs his leg. Hogan chases Jimmy Hart, but Hart runs under the ring so neither Hogan nor JYD can catch up to him. The referee is distracted, so Terry chokes Hogan with some tape, and the referee can’t even see it once he takes a look. Terry then gives Hogan a PILEDRIVER, a bad looking one at that. Break your neck type of bad looking. Cover gets 2 and Hogan BARELY kicks out. Terry stomps on Hogan’s face, but HE’S HULKING UP BROTHER. Hits Terry with the big three punches, a back elbow, and a BIG BOOT. Hogan tries to suplex Terry back into the ring, but Jimmy Hart hits Hogan with THE BRANDING IRON. Terry makes the cover, thinks he’s going to win, but Hogan gets his foot on the ropes. Then JYD runs to the other side of the ring and clocks Hart, and after Terry harasses the referee, Hogan hits Terry with a big LARIAT and gets the pinfall victory at 8:30.
After the match, Terry Funk attacks the referee! Awesome. FUCK YOU DAVE HEBNER. Terry throws a few chairs into the ring, very good stuff. Hogan and JYD have an interview in the ring after the match which I don’t really care about.
My Thoughts: This was a very atypical Hogan match. Perfect for TV, and great for me. *** and recommended. I believe that Terry is to a great degree the best opponent that Hogan had TV matches with for some years. His crazed frenzy style fits in as a great opponent to Hogan and nobody else is really capable of matching that.
George “The Animal” Steele (w/Captain Lou Albano) vs. Randy Savage (w/Elizabeth)
Pre-Match Thoughts: Steele’s promo before the match is at the water park from earlier, and Lou Albano speaks on his behalf. So is Savage’s. He throws Elizabeth into the water. Ha!
Match Review: Oh shit, Steele is cozying up to Elizabeth while Savage has his back turned. That is fucking funny. She has this disgusted look on her face that cracks me up. Then Savage screams at her. Aw. The implied wife beating going on here is…interesting. Savage does a scared of Steele act that draws a lot of heel heat, which leads to Savage running out of the ring. They lock up, and Steele gets the better of Savage, and throws him over the top rope. Big bump onto the concrete. Steele chases Savage, but gets in a trance and stares at Elizabeth while running around the ring. So Savage chases him away. Savage finally attacks the crazy man, and gets clubbed until he falls out of the ring. They brawl on the outside now, Steele chases Savage, and Savage uses Elizabeth as a shield to big boos. Steele slams Savage, and starts chewing the turnbuckle, which makes people cheer like crazy. Savage fails at an attack from behind, but hits Steele with a big double axehandle while Steele is distracted by Elizabeth. Over for the cover, and DEANO MALENKO counts the victory for Macho Man at 4:06!
Savage quickly carries an upset Elizabeth to the back, after the match.
My Thoughts: This was by no standard a good match, but it did have a an angle that kept people interested. I am quite surprised that this match had anything resembling a pinfall win due to it being the first of the series. This does begin a TV angle that keeps Savage tied up for some time, which is unfortunate. I think to some degree it was a misuse of him, but on the other hand there weren’t many guys on the face side who the WWF wanted Savage to get wins over. 1/2*.
Interesting highlight video with music from Billy Ocean follows. Pretty funny. It’s a good promo spot for basically everyone in the WWF who’s important, and allows the casual fans that generally watched these NBC shows to get a rundown on whatever Vince thought was an important part of his roster. If you don’t know who was, watch the video!
Nikolai Volkoff (w/Freddie Blassie & The Iron Sheik) vs. Corporal Kirchner in a PEACE MATCH
Pre-Match Thoughts: The peace match concept operates on the premise that both wrestlers will stick to wrestling a clean, technical match. Is Kirchner capable of doing that? I doubt it. Volkoff’s promo about ending American militarism is funny stuff. Kirchner does a water stunt before the match, and the promo beforehand is terrible. I’m sure that the day at the water park was a decent day for the wrestlers and a nice break from their heavy touring. It seems like they had a break after this card, too.
Match Review: The American and Russian shake hands, and we’re under way. They lock up, and in PEACE MATCH fashion, Dean Malenko has them make a clean break. It’s hilarious seeing Dean officiate these matches. Kirchner takes Volkoff down with a headlock, they both struggle over a wristlock, and Kirchner gets the better of it. Volkoff takes Kirchner down from behind, but gets up and Kirchner rolls him up, for 1. The two men shake hands again, and exchange holds once again. Volkoff gives Kirchner a shoulderblock, and Kirchner responds with a hammerlock takedown. A Kirchner small package gets 2. Volkoff then BREAKS THE RULES OF THE PEACE MATCH, drops Kirchner throat first on the top rope, gives him a kneedrop and pins him! 4:32 the time.
Kirchner gets some heat back by attacking Sheik and Volkoff, which gets a big reaction. Ha.
My Thoughts: This was a good concept to get some heat on Volkoff. I liked it, and the technical wrestling was sound. Of course it built to something else, and that’s why I like wrestling. That dastardly foreigner just HAD TO CHEAT. *.
Don Muraco & Mr. Fuji vs. Ricky Steamboat & Junkyard Dog
Pre-Match Thoughts: Unusual that the match I would have wanted to see the most at the time of the show went on last. I think this is the best angle in the company. Unfortunately, Fuji talks about eating dog before the match. Wonder if that was a typical NBC scripted promo or not. I don’t know at which point the WWF decided that they wanted to create their own entrance themes rather than continue to use real ones. Gotta find that out.
Match Review: The match starts after a commercial, with Fuji attacking Steamboat and JYD being attacked by Muraco. Muraco puts the boots to JYD, and Fuji slams Steamboat on the concrete. Muraco and JYD will be the legal men, and JYD gives Muraco a backdrop. He misses a falling headbutt, and Fuji tags in. JYD bumps off some chops, but comes back with a bodyslam. Fuji chops JYD away and tags in Muraco, who is given a sloppy armdrag by JYD. JYD slams Muraco for a 2 count, and Muraco walks to Steamboat’s corner, where the Dragon can hit him. JYD headbutts Muraco, Fuji tags in, chops JYD, and Muraco tags in. Muraco lands an elbow drop, and goes for a piledriver…but JYD backdrops him again. Fuji tags in and headbutts JYD in the groin, then tags in Muraco who misses a charge to the corner.
Steamboat finally tags in, and the people get what they want, which is to see Steamboat beat the crap out of Muraco and Fuji. He does so to the crowd’s pleasure, and gives Muraco an enziguri. Then he slingshots Muraco into Fuji, and heads to the TOP ROPE. Steamboat flies off with a cross-body, which gets a 2 count as Fuji breaks up the cover. Fuji goes for an atomic drop, but Steamboat makes the tag to JYD, who headbutts Fuji for a pinfall victory at 5:19.
Unfortunately, at the end of the match, Steamboat tries to go after Muraco and gets punched in the head. I guess those hurt, but Muraco is leaving.
My Thoughts: That was okay. Nothing spectacular, but the crowd got what they wanted. Didn’t like the finish that much, but they built to Steamboat tagging in well enough. *1/2 for another clean finish, which surprises me because they were so rare at the time.
After all that, the show is over!
This card served as part of a transition out of the angles of 1985 into something else. The problem with it is that in a few cases there is no telling with the angles of 1986 even are. The tag team champions have been in one squash, and their future challengers haven’t even been on a Saturday Night’s Main Event yet. There is no future to the Funk/Hogan angle because Hogan won clean. Piper is going nowhere. So, what are they going to do? Everyone knows the answer to that, but it would have been nice if they hadn’t defaulted Piper into an angle that happened the year before. It can be argued that it was necessary due to Mr. T’s drawing power, and I can’t really disagree with that. He could have continued feuding with Orndorff or started one with JYD, and perhaps that would have been better. It is also very obvious in hindsight that Tito Santana was dropping the IC belt. It isn’t obvious to whom, but obvious that he will be. He is a non-factor in their promotional material and on these SNME’s, which generally illustrate where everyone stands going forward. It also bears mentioning that Paul Orndorff’s momentum in terms of his position with the company appears to have stalled, That’s my hindsight perspective.
Anyway, I didn’t think this SNME was as good as the last one. Other than the title match, the bouts were paint by numbers material. In all but one case, the matches are loaded down with subpar workers, as well. That’s not really for me. I like the card in the sense that it signified certain things were over and done with, but this wasn’t good. The card also did not deliver as I thought was needed, which I think reflected poorly on their build to WrestleMania 2. They were quite lucky to come out of WrestleMania 2 with it being considered a success.
Best: Hulk Hogan vs. Terry Funk
Worst: Hillbillies vs. Orton, Piper, and Ventura. Despite my giving the match a higher rating than Savage vs. Steele, the latter match had an angle taking place through the match that I found entertaining. The first match did not, and had a stable in it which I loathe.
Card Rating: 4.5/10
