Sage Cortez
It’s time to RUMBLE. IT’S TIME FOR THE ROYAL RUMBLE! The entire point of this show was to counter-program the Bunkhouse Stampede. Did it work? Of course it did. I don’t think the Stampede was going to be a financial hit to begin with, but the attempt to limit PPV profit certainly worked. It was nice of USA Network to give them the timeslot to run a live show so quickly. There’s a lot of nonsense on this show in addition to the matches. Dino Bravo is trying to “break” the world bench press record. Yeah, that’s totally legit. In addition to that, Hogan and Andre are signing a contract to have a match at The Main Event, which is the WWF’s first primetime live show on network television. Royal Rumbles are a bitch to review, but fortunately there are always some matches before that to take my focus off of it. Sorry in advance for the lack of videos, but there aren’t many out there which pertain to this show. Let’s go!
– Taped to air January 24th, 1988, from Copps Coliseum in Hamilton, Ontario
Vince McMahon and Jesse Ventura are our hosts, and we’re going to dive straight into the card for once. That’s unusual, but I’m cool with it!
Rick Rude vs. Ricky Steamboat
Pre-Match Thoughts: This is an interesting opener. Starting here, it appears that Steamboat is finally going to be back in the swing of things, and Rude doesn’t have his manager. There was a match between the two at the December MSG card, but I couldn’t find it and don’t have it. That was supposed to have been very good, hopefully this will be too. It has been so long since I’ve watched it that I know my taste in wrestling has changed enough that an opinion could be different now than it used to be. Rude’s first theme is sweet, by the way. I’ve heard worse ways to begin a show.
Match Review: The two men lock up, and trade blows immediately, until Rude tries to throw Steamboat over the top rope. Steamboat skins the cat, and summarily backdrops Rude over the top. That bump looked bad on Rude’s back. Rude wants a test of strength, which Steamboat obliges. As per usual, the heel wins the initial burst, and the babyface comes back. No idea how people get suckered into believing that routine. Steamboat takes Rude down, and puts an armbar on him. Steamboat continues to work the arm after an arm drag, and Ventura’s commentary regarding Rude possibly thumbing Steamboat in the eye makes Vinnie Mac a bit upset. Rude gets out of the armbar, only to be taken down with a chop and another arm drag. The speed Rude and Steamboat display when running the ropes is impressive. Steamboat splashes the arm, which is different than what we usually see with regards to arm work. Rude responds by ramming Steamboat into the buckle, then lands a back elbow. Steamboat comes back with yet another arm drag, and I’m wondering when this thing is going to pick up. Rude gives Steamboat another high elbow, then tries to pose, with his arm causing him too much pain. I think that’s hilarious on his part, and hardly the only time he’s done the “pose and showcase injury” bit. Rude hits Steamboat with a knee to knock him down to the floor, and follows him to slam him on the pads. That knee was quite clearly a mistake on Rude’s part. Rude suplexes Steamboat back into the ring, getting a 2 count. To Rude’s favorite move we go, that move being the chinlock. Steamboat is checked to see if he quits, and he botches the bit by letting his hand drop to the canvas for a 3rd time. Oops. Eventually, he picks Rude up on his shoulders and drops him down to the canvas. That move always looks extremely dangerous. Steamboat tries a big splash, and Rude blocks it. Rude follows with an atomic drop, which Steamboat doesn’t take correctly. This is a weird performance from him. Rude covers for 2, and back to the chinlock again. Steamboat surges forward to force Rude’s head into the turnbuckle, then rams Rude into it 10 times. The Dragon follows with a chop, and that gets 2. Rude takes Steamboat down with a headlock, and this turns into Steamboat bridging to a backslide for 2. Steamboat also rolls Rude up for 2, then trips and covers for another 2 count. Rude puts Steamboat in a small package for 2, Steamboat reverses for 2, and I like how this picked up. Rude lands a clothesline for another 2 count, and follows that by having his suplex blocked. Steamboat suplexes Rude, and heads up top. Rude pulls the referee into the way of Steamboat’s flying bodypress attempt, knocking the referee out. Rude puts Steamboat in his OVERHEAD BACKBREAKER, and the referee rings the bell at 17:41. Rude’s music plays, but it turns out that Rude was disqualified for his earlier actions against the referee. Haha.The crowd popped huge for the announcement of the decision.
My Thoughts: This match was nowhere near as bad as people have made it sound. Steamboat and Rude had some nice athletic bits, and the match made sense. Both guys made mistakes though, and it was noticeable. Rude’s early career is really weird, right here he looks very green, but he had been in the business for over 5 years. He improved so much by the end of his career. I’d give this **1/4, and the reasons for it not being higher were the botches. I wasn’t bored at all and the 17+ minutes went by fairly quickly, even as I was watching it very late at night. I’m pumped to see their match at Beach Blast ’92. Never have before.
Our next segment appears to be the Dino Bravo bench press world record attempt. Ventura is his spotter. Frenchy Martin is Bravo’s manager, and he speaks in French to get heat, but not very much heat at all. I remember that this segment drags to an unbelievable degree. Bravo easily goes through the first few attempts at increasing weight. So boring. Even Bravo getting angry at the crowd doesn’t improve this pile of shit segment. Finally they reach the 715 pound mark, and that’s supposed to be the end of this. Bravo teases walking out before doing it, but eventually comes back. That was hilarious how Jesse pulled the bar up for Bravo and it was supposed to seem like a big deal. It wasn’t though, because who cares. Horrible waste of 20 minutes. For the crowd watching at home, this was about 30 minutes long, considering the commercials before and after.
The Jumping Bomb Angels vs. The Glamour Girls (w/Jimmy Hart) in a 2 out of 3 falls match for the WWF Women’s Tag Team Championships
Pre-Match Thoughts: It’s going to be hard to differentiate these four once again. I’ll give it my absolute best shot, but Vince McMahon doesn’t help matters by not being able to tell them apart himself. Sad to not be able to name the people who work for you. This match should be good considering that the excess parts from Survivor Series have been chopped out of the equation.
Fall #1: The Angels hit the Glamour Girls with a double dropkick to start the match, then Kai comes back and tosses Tateno around the ring relentlessly. Martin tags in, and slams the challenger. Tateno bridges out and rolls up Martin for 2, then Yamazaki tags in. She gives Martin a ROLLING HEADBUTT, and follows that with a slam for 2. Tateno tags in, and Ventura takes the time to make it clear that Vince doesn’t know the names of the Angels. HAHAHA. Martin catches Tateno and bodyslams her, then misses an elbow drop. Leilani Kai makes her entrance, and gets hit with a high knee. Here’s Yamazaki, who lands a dropkick and clothesline for 2. Yamazaki puts an OCTOPUS STRETCH on Kai, until Martin rushes in. Then, the Angels put double figure-four’s on the Glamour Girls. Haha. Amusing match so far. Tateno gives out a few wishbone split leg drops (I don’t know how else to describe this), then uses a version of the Indian deathlock on the champion. RASSLIN’! Yamazaki continues the punishment on Kai, and finally decides to let Martin come in too. Yamazaki tries to go up top, but gets pulled down by her legs, landing on her back. Martin then gives Yamazaki an ALLEY OOP. 1-2-3, that’s the first fall at 6:11.
Fall #2: This starts immediately, with Martin throwing Yamazaki around the ring like a doll. Kai switches in, and lands a flying chop. After another bodyslam, Kai misses a big splash, and Tateno makes the tag in. She dishes out a flying clothesline, then up to the second rope and down with another, for 2. A flying bodypress gets 2, then the Angels give Martin a double suplex. They then force the Glamour Girls to clothesline each other, which was a great bit. Yamazaki then reverses an attempted Martin powerbomb into a sunset flip, and gets the cover for her team at 8:05. That was great.
Fall #3: The Angels start the third fall with a double high knee and a double clothesline. Weird how the double teams work in this match. Martin tags in, and gets hit with an enziguri. Tateno heads in, and avoids a charge to the corner. Martin gives her a catapult, and Kai tags in, pulling hair the whole way. Kai gives out a double-underhook suplex for 2, then Yamazaki tags in. I have a problem with all these random tags, and will elaborate more on that at the end. The Girls ram her into the corner, and try some covers that only get 1 counts. Yamazaki blocks Kai’s attempt at a punch, and Yamazaki drops her on her ass. GREAT MOVE. After doing it again, Yamazaki covers for 2. Tateno makes another tag, and flies in with a top rope knee drop after Yamazaki slams Martin. That gets 2. Tateno follows with a bodyslam for 2, and a double-underhook suplex with a bridge, also for 2. Yamazaki lands another flying chop for 2, and another bodyslam. She goes up to the second rope, and misses a senton splash. Ouch. Yamazaki makes a tag again, and Tateno comes off the top with a flying clothesline for another 2 count. The Angels use some distraction tactics to land a double missile dropkick, and go for the cover…to win the Women’s Tag Team Championships at 13:56!
My Thoughts: Alright, I guess it’s going to be my place to be Debbie Downer. The actual moves they were displaying were off the charts. However, I didn’t see why this gets praise as being such a good match. The tagging was very random, and I didn’t understand what kind of story the teams were going for. Or if there even was a story. That doesn’t mean that it wasn’t entertaining, but it was mindless fun. My star ratings do account for lack of story, as I find it to be more important than just moves. **. I’m not sexist or anything like that, this match was just not for me at all.
Heading into the next segment, which I believe is going to be the contract signing for Andre/Hogan II, we get a long clip of what happened at WrestleMania III. By “what happened,” I mean Andre’s point of contention that Hogan never picked up his shoulder on the early pinfall. Then, Ted DiBiase’s declaration of wanting to purchase the WWF Championship is shown. Hogan’s annoucement in which he declines that offer is hilarious. Andre’s attack on Hogan from the last SNME episode is aired, but that’s not it. Lastly, it’s Andre’s promo in which he says he’ll deliver the WWF Championship to DiBiase. After all, he wants to beat Hogan. The title is secondary.
Now we’re at the point of the signing. Hogan’s outfit of a white tanktop, weightlifting belt, and sky blue pants is totally ridiculous. Andre is trying to intimidate Hogan by not sitting down, and it’s dragging this thing on longer than it needs to be. Eventually he does sit down, and DiBiase takes the microphone to berate Hogan. What a dick. Hogan is then inspired to sign the contract. That was one of the best bits of mic work I’ve ever seen DiBiase do. Andre has a minor problem with the contract, or so that’s how it’s supposed to seem. It’s signed, and DiBiase then tells Andre to put his “OFFICIAL STAMP OF APPROVAL” ON IT. He grabs Hogan, rams him into the table, AND TURNS THE TABLE OVER ON TOP OF THE HULKSTER. Haven’t seen Hogan made to look like such a bitch yet. Until now. DiBiase’s commentary of this event was amazing. One billion stars.
THE ROYAL RUMBLE
Pre-Match Thoughts: This is going to be really difficult for me to review. To make things easier, I’ll only note the time of eliminations when I find them to be important ones. That means you guys are at my mercy, sorry. This is supposed to be two minute intervals per entrance, but it turns out not to be. At all. I think the match concept is the best that anyone has ever conceived. I’m interested to see if McMahon knows the rules to his own match. I don’t mean what he says before the match, but rather during it. Only 20 men in this Royal Rumble!
Match Review: It appears that #1 is Bret Hart! #2 is Tito Santana! This is going to have a hot start. Hart gets quite a few cheers, which is to be expected as he’s a Canadian. Bret puts the boots to Santana, but Santana comes back with some of his own stuff. Bret gives Santana an inverted atomic drop, and an elbow from the second rope. The countdown is on, and #3 is…Butch Reed! Santana hits Bret with a flying forearm, but Reed takes over the match upon entering the ring. Santana does try to come back by ramming Reed and Bret’s heads together, but he’s really kind of screwed. Reed lands a double axehandle on the Strike Force member, and the two heels then nail Santana with a double back elbow. #4 comes in, and it’s Jim Neidhart. Bad booking. Shouldn’t have 3 heels in against one babyface in this kind of match. Reed and Neidhart hold Santana in place so that Bret can nail an elbow drop from the 2nd rope, and I don’t understand why they wouldn’t throw Santana out. Eventually they all try to do so, and Jake Roberts enters at #5! He runs down to the ring, and dumps Reed over the top rope to a huge pop at 5:22. That was great.
Roberts now turns his attention to the Hart Foundation, and right now I’m realizing that this is one of, if not the only time that he wrestled Bret Hart. He slams Bret, then Roberts and Santana whip the Foundation into one another. Roberts goes for the DDT on Bret, but Neidhart hits him with a clothesline to put a stop to it. Bret gives Santana a very dangerous looking piledriver, and here comes #6, Harley Race! He drops a few elbows on Roberts, who gets up and tries to start dishing out beatdowns, but Race stops him. Ventura is sure to point out how great this concept is, and that’s no lie. #7 is Jim Brunzell, who hits the ring and also sets his focus on the Hart Foundation. That rush of offense didn’t last as long as you’d expect, and #8 is…SAM HOUSTON! He forces Neidhart to accidentally clothesline his partner, and I’m thinking it’s about time for another elimination. The Hart Foundation grabs a hold of Santana, and launches him over the top rope at 10:40.
#9 is Danny Davis, who makes his entrance while Ventura makes jokes about Santana selling tacos. Yeesh. Davis and Houston resume their feud, which is probably the lowest priority of all lower card feuds. Roberts is currently beating up Race, and turns his attention to Davis, who is given a back suplex. #10 is Boris Zhukov, as the quality of the workers in this match seems to be rapidly decreasing. Race and Zhukov fight with each other, which is the first case of a heel fighting with another heel. The most exciting portions of this match are the entrances, to be honest. It’s a great concept though. Davis hits Houston with a dropkick, and here’s #11, Don Muraco! Nikolai Volkoff tries to run out there too, and Muraco clocks him at ringside. I guess Volkoff is #12 and he’ll have to wait to be able to enter. Roberts and Brunzell are with Zhukov, and they push him out of the ring at 15:16. So the eliminations thus far are at 5 minute intervals. Brunzell hits Bret with a dropkick, as Houston works on Race, trying to eliminate him. Houston gets thumbed in the eye, and Volkoff is allowed into the match. Muraco dumps Race over the top at 16:50, and that’s nice because the ring was getting, and probably still is too crowded.
#13 is HACKSAW JIM DUGGAN, and the crowd pops big for him. He chases Race to the back, and gets in the ring. They should have had him clear out some of these guys, but that didn’t happen. He works over Neidhart in the corner, then does the same to Bret, as #14 shows up…Ron Bass. Very underwhelming. The match is dragging a little bit now, but Volkoff livens things up by throwing Brunzell over the top at 20:50. Now that they’re sending wrestlers out at about 1 minute per entrance, #15 is here, and it’s Brian Blair. MAKE HIM HUMBLE. Blair tries to throw out Neidhart, but that wasn’t going to happen with Bret still in the ring. #16 enters, it’s Hillbilly Jim. Neidhart charges at him, and gets eliminated. #17 is Dino Bravo. Houston winds up on the shoulders of Ron Bass, and Bass dumps him over the top for Houston’s elimination. #18 is the ULTIMATE WARRIOR, and I expect some quick eliminations. Muraco obliges by throwing Bret Hart out at 25:40, and #19 is subsequently sent to the ring. It’s the ONE MAN GANG! Somebody has to get rid of multiple wrestlers, maybe it will be him. He dispatches Blair over the top rope, and does the same with Roberts at 27:10. The last man enters at #20, and it’s the Junkyard Dog.
So, with everyone having entered, that should mean this match continues like a regular battle royal. Not very much wrestling going on in there! Davis is clearly the smallest guy left in the ring. Volkoff gets eliminated by Duggan, and the One Man Gang backdrops Hillbilly Jim over the top. Duggan hits Davis with a running clothesline at 29:06, and Davis goes out too. Bravo and Gang dispatch of Warrior as well, at 29:22. Only 6 guys left, and all of them are super roided or slugs. Bass tosses JYD out, and Muraco tosses Bass out after a clothesline. Haha. Gang, Bravo, Duggan, and Muraco compose the worst final four in Royal Rumble history. Muraco gets cornered, and has to fight his way out of danger. He hits Gang with a dropkick, and hits Frenchy Martin with one too. Duggan’s knocked down, so Bravo sets up Muraco for a clothesline from the Gang. Gang hits Muraco with it, and out he goes at 31:07. Duggan tries to beat up both Bravo and Gang, but eventually they gain control. They hit Duggan with a double clothesline, and Bravo follows with an elbow drop. Bravo sets Duggan up for another clothesline, and this time Bravo gets hit with it, going out at 32:20. Haha. Duggan and Gang now go at it, and Gang goes to his trusty move, the running clothesline. Duggan’s set up for it, and Gang makes his charge…only for Duggan to pull down the top rope and win the match at 33:19!
My Thoughts: That was great booking, the right guy won the match. I also liked the way the match was able to keep moving despite the slugs that were part of this contest. I think Bret Hart was the best performer. A lot of the wrestlers didn’t give much of an effort, but the allure of the Royal Rumble is that it only takes 4 or 5 guys performing well to have it be a strong match. This one was very good, and with it being a Royal Rumble, it’s certainly recommended. ***1/4. In comparison to most “normal” matches, it generally exceeds what I require for a match to be acceptably entertaining. It seemed obvious that this was going to become a regular yearly fixture.
Over at the interview podium, Craig DeGeorge is with Hulk Hogan! This is complete Main Event hype. It’s nearly two weeks away for them, and one week away for me! He pretty much acted like Andre didn’t just embarrass him. Haha.
The Islanders vs. The Young Stallions in a 2 out of 3 falls match
Pre-Match Thoughts: Heenan is not with his team tonight. Not a big fan of that, considering this show is on TV. That seems like usual house show practice, but this is a USA Network special, brother! As a rule, I usually hate tag teams that run to the ring. This is now going to be my reason for irrationally hating the Young Stallions. The Road Warriors didn’t have to do that shit. I bet McMahon loved these two guys. I hope the Islanders beat them down.
Fall #1: Tama starts off with Powers, while McMahon whines about what the Islanders have done to Matilda. Tama then shouts into the camera about Matilda. This rules. Powers leaps over Tama and bodyslams him, causing Tama to take a break outside the ring. Tama wants a handshake, and Powers is stupid enough to do it. Tama tries to kick him, and Powers gives Tama an atomic drop. Vince then calls the Dino Bravo segment boring. Alright. Haku tags in after Powers misses a charge, as does Roma. Haku runs Roma over, and Roma comes back with a hip toss that gets botched as Haku tries to give him one of his own. Oh boy. Then they botch a flying bodypress. Roma is REALLY sloppy. Powers tags back in, and the Stallions nail Haku with a double back elbow for 2. Now Ventura is harassing Vince about being an Ivy Leaguer…that’s funny shit. East Carolina University is apparently an Ivy League school now. Or was the Vince character an Ivy Leaguer. I don’t know! Tama tags in and misses an elbow drop, then brings Haku back in. Haku hits Powers with an elbow for 2, and tags back out. Tama comes in with a flying chop from the top rope, and tags in Haku. They give powers a double team headbutt, and Haku misses a charge to the corner. Then they clothesline each other, and both guys make tags. There’s no heat for this match, but it’s pretty good when Roma isn’t in the ring. Roma hits Tama with a flying clothesline, and a dropkick. After a backdrop, Roma goes for a dropkick, and lands it for 1. Haku pulls down the top rope and Tama throws Roma out of the ring, which causes Roma to have a knee injury. Roma can’t pull himself back into the ring, and gets counted out at 7:54. The Islanders win the first fall!
Now, after the commercial, we don’t go straight back to the match. Apparently Roma has to be taped up before it continues. So, with that going on, Ted DiBiase, Virgil, and Andre the Giant make their way over to the interview podium. DiBiase dominates the microphone, and he’s great at it. When Andre speaks, he says that he’s undefeated (ha) and that he’s going to destroy Hulkamania! DeGeorge interrupts him, and gets socked in the gut. Can’t stop laughing at that. Back to the match!
Fall #2: Roma and Powers walk back to the ring, with Roma acting like a cripple on that walk back. Roma must start that second fall, and gingerly gets back into the ring. Tama goes straight for the left knee, and bodyslams Roma as well. Roma blocks a big splash attempt, but that hurt his knee even worse. Powers and Haku tag in, and Haku gets backdropped for 2. During some turnbuckle shots, audible spot calls are made. Powers hits Haku with a clothesline, and covers for 2. Powers lands a dropkick for 2, and a suplex as well for the same count. Tama and Haku make a few switches, and Powers gives Haku a small package for 2. Haku gives Powers a backbreaker for 2, and Tama comes in again. He cracks Powers with a flying back elbow, and a hip toss for 2. The commentary on this match is amazing. Vince doesn’t like the way Tama speaks to his opponents. Haku dropkicks Powers for 2, and follows with a gutwrench suplex for another near-fall. He puts an abdominal stretch on Powers, which eventually turns into a hip toss in Powers favor. Haku stops Powers before making the tag, and gives him a bodyslam. Haku then tries a rolling senton splash, which is missed. Powers still can’t tag out, but after Haku misses a dropkick, he finally is able to! Roma is injured, but he comes back in anyway. This should be funny. Haku kicks Roma’s leg, and goes to work. Tama comes into the ring with a big splash from the top rope, and Haku puts Roma in a half crab. Roma submits at 15:05, and the Islanders win the match 2-0. Just like Strike Force did on Saturday Night’s Main Event!
My Thoughts: This was a strange match. It seemed like the crowd was dead after the Rumble, and a lot of the fans had left during the match. I didn’t have a problem with the match during the first fall. As long as Roma wasn’t in the match during that portion of the match, things were moving very nicely. During the second fall, it slowed down a lot, as you’d expect when one of the wrestlers is working an injury. I’m only going to give this *1/2. The Islanders are obviously a very good team, but they were misused and should not be in 15 minute matches that end in such a fashion. The Young Stallions were not a very good team. I don’t recall any instance of another segment being in between two of the falls in a match as occured here. DiBiase and Andre were great there.
Vince and Jesse close the show, and do a good job of reminding me of things I wanted to mention previously in the article. So I inserted those parts in, and that’s it!
They hyped The Main Event like crazy on this show. I found that interesting. Essentially this card was a vehicle to set things up for that show. I’ve never seen it in full. Obviously I know what happens on it, but seeing is better than hearing. Royal Rumble ’88 was basically an extended episode of Saturday Night’s Main Event. They maintained the 2 out of 3 falls feature in the two important tag team matches, they had a nice matchup in the opener, and the big guns were there. The Rumble was interesting in that the match was almost completely lower card guys. Other than Duggan, Santana, and the Hart Foundation, I’d go so far as to say there was nobody in it who they had long term plans for. That’s okay though. Match quality wise, it was good, although not the best Rumble there’s ever been. At this point, it would be hard to figure out what they’re going to do at WrestleMania IV. Getting from Point A to Point B was a nice stroke of booking they pulled off. Can’t have been easy. Next up, I’ll be reviewing Bunkhouse Stampede, then back over to the WWF for THE MAIN EVENT!
Wrestling Time: 1:20:01. Consider that this show had commercials to take the run time up to 3 hours, and two long non-wrestling segments. That’s a decent number, but no better than that. When you consider who actually wrestled, it’s hard to figure out how they got so much wrestling out of the show!
Best: Hogan/Andre contract signing. This is a rare case of a great contract signing angle.
Worst: Dino Bravo bench press. C’mon man.
Card Rating: 5/10. It’s average, and not on the high or low end of that. If you miss this card, you miss nothing, considering that being the Rumble winner does not yet hold prestige. If not for the contract signing, it would have been a bad show.
