Jonathan Dehn
WWE Monday Night Raw
08/26/2013
Phoenix, Arizona
-We begin the show with The Shield guarding the ring and HHH heading out to the ring. I like the use of him using the obnoxious “King of Kings” theme. So, COOHHH takes us back to an epic moment, a paradigm shift. So, we get to see him pedigree Bryan again. HHH reiterates that this was business. HHH then takes us back to him sending The Shield to beat him down, and justifies it all by Daniel being discourteous to his wife. HHH is such a good business man that he says that he’ll let it all go. Then, HHH begins to brag about a 3.2 rating.
He credits this “booming” business to Randy Orton, who he brings out. Phoenix isn’t really getting that these are the bad guys, with plenty of women still screaming for Orton. HHH congratulates Orton on “breathing new life” into the company. He goes so far as to gift him a new Cadillac Escalade. There’s a cute touch as the car is revealed with HHH’s theme music. Before Orton can check out his new ride, Bryan interrupts to a main event pop. Bryan comments on Orton’s sweet, new ride and there’s a humorous comment about how much nicer it is than his Honda Fit. Bryan once again thanks the fans for their support and for John Cena giving him the opportunity. Then, he thanks HHH for coming clean and making his views known on who should be champion, as narrow minded as they are.
Orton interrupts Bryan and says that as the face of WWE, he deserves respect. Bryan declares that he will rearrange that face at Night of Champions. HHH calls this a fantasy, and sings to Daniel. HHH tells him that he will help him live out his fantasy by facing The Shield in a gauntlet.
Cody Rhodes vs. Fandango
Damien is at the table here. They fight over a headlock and a hammerlock to start. Off the whip, Cody hits a back elbow and follows with a front suplex. Fandango gets a foot up from the apron, but is interrupted as the Miz comes out to Fandango’s music and attire, dancing poorly. The distraction is enough to give Cody the win. Sandow leaves the table and the four brawl. Maddox comes out and is all “you’re fandangoing to a different tune” and sets up a tag team match.
Cody Rhodes and The Miz vs. Damien Sandow and Fandango
Sandow is in control of Cody to start, and brings in Fandango. Cody takes a heavy corner whip. Sandow returns and keeps up, hitting the legsweep and The Elbow of Disdain for two. Rhodes gets a boot up on the corner charge and they clothesline each other in the middle of the ring. Miz comes in and hits a shot from the top, and follows up with a running knee and big boot. He hits the corner clothesline and dispatches Fandango from the apron. He slide through and rolls Sandow up for two. The Miz works the knee of Sandow. Fandango walks out of the match and the numbers catch up to Sandow as he gets tripped up by Rhodes and takes a Skull Crushing Finale for a three count.
Final Thoughts: *1/2 for everything. I’m not so certain when Sandow won his last match. The curse of the Smackdown briefcase lives on. The Fandango gear is a good look for Miz and it was nice to see Rosa Mendes again, who played Summer Rae for Miz.
-Christian is backstage with Josh and is worried for the future of WWE with HHH in charge, calling back to the McMahon-Helmsley era. Randy Orton interrupts and says that he’s going to win their match later on. Christian gets in a nice line about HHH finding his new favorite tool, trading in his sledgehammer.
-Elsewhere, CM Punk comments on the different options that the fans have for voting on his match with Curtis Axel, and prefers the option that allows him to get his hands on Heyman if he wins his match.
-In response, Curtis Axel assures Paul that he’s going to take care of business. Paul believes in Axel, kinda.
Curtis Axel vs. CM Punk
Before the match, we find out that 81% voted for Heyman to have to get into the ring with Punk if the Chicagoan wins. Punk grabs a headlock to start and gets a shoulderblock. He gets another and moves from a hammerlock to a rollup for a quick count. Axel squirms out of a GTS and heads outside. Punk follows him out and chases up the ramp towards Heyman. Axel catches him and beats him back down the ramp and rolls him into the ring. He gets a couple of stomps and follows with a slam and kneedrop for two.
CM Punk rises from a headlock and throws off Axel. He follows with the corner knee and a short armed clothesline for two. Curtis bails on the Savage Elbow but takes a dive from Punk. We hit a break and return with Punk chopping Axel back into a corner. Axel slides out of a corner whip and hits a boomerang clothesline to back of Punk’s head for two. Curtis follows with a dropkick for two. Axel cuts off some kicks to the knees but takes a crossbody from the second rope for two. Punk misses the roundhouse kick and takes a knee lift. Curtis snaps him over with a belly to back suplex for two.
Axel hits another one after Heyman advises him too. Axel stalks Punk but misses the neckbreaker and Punk hits one of his own for two. Punk hits the Savage Elbow for two. Axel fights out of the GTS and hits a neckbreaker for two. CM Punk pops up for the GTS after Axel gets cocky.
Final Thoughts: ***, good match.
-After the match, Heyman is corralled by security and brought back down to the ring after attempting to run away from Punk. They get into the ring, but Axel returns and goes low on Punk. Cole actually wonders who it is for a moment. JBL quickly corrects him. Heyman hands Axel a pair of handcuffs that he had in a pants pocket and Axel eventually cuffs Punk’s hands behind his back. Punk gets back to his feet and kicks Axel in the head. He chops down Heyman, but Curtis returns with a chair to subdue Punk. A kendo stick comes out from under the ring and Heyman begins to club away at Punk in the ribs while he is held up in the ropes. “I loved you!” he yells before slamming him in the bread basket.
Outside the ring Axel drags Punk. He slugs him to the floor with a right hand. Heyman returns outside and starts to splinter the stick over Punk’s back. Paul yells to Punk that he broke his heart before he walks off, fighting back tears and sobbing against the ring apron.
Natalya w/The Funkadactyls vs. Brie Bella w/Nikki Bella and Eva Marie
They trade stomps in the corner to start. Brie calls out a spot clearly and audibly on Nattie and puts her in an armbar. Nattie counters and slams her out of it. Nattie puts on the Sharpshooter, but poorly coordinated hijinks ensue and Brie hits a facebuster for the win.
Final Thoughts: Yeah…
-AJ comes out onto the stage and drops a pipebomb of sorts. She feigns excitement for Total Divas before going on a great rant about interchangeable, useless women. Women, that aren’t talented enough to be actresses and have to be on a reality show. She gets on them about being handed fifteen minutes of fame, and sucking…up to the right people. No matter how many fancy appearances they make, with their four thousand dollar shoes, they’ll never be able to lace up her Chuck Taylor’s. Unfortunately, the only person who sells the promo correctly is Nattie. The Bellas just yell at her the whole time and attempt to ruin the segment. That really just makes them interchangeable and backs up AJ’s whole point. This is some good work by AJ.
Rob Van Dam w/Ricardo Rodriguez vs. Alberto Del Rio
RVD starts with some kicks and shoulderthrusts to start. He follows with the monkey flip from the corner. Rob eventually sits ADR on the top rope and kicks him out to the floor. There’s a quick commercial break, and Del Rio is in control as we return. ADR peppers in the headbutts but takes a step over spin kick for two. Alberto answers back with a German suplex for two and clubs away. Alberto follows with a double stomp that RVD sells like a hard strike in a B action movie. Del Rio goes up, but takes a kick to the face.
RVD gets some momentum with clotheslines and a superkick. He gets Rolling Thunder for two. Del Rio comes back with some strikes, but takes a kick to the head in the corner. The split legged moonsault gets two. Van Dam gets the elbow up in the corner and follows with the side kick from the second rope. Rob goes up, but Del Rio crotches him and hits the enzuigiri for two. Ricardo distracts ADR from the outside, allowing RVD to counter the cross-armbreaker into the leg rollup for a quick three.
Final Thoughts: **. This was fine, but needed a bit more time. Unfortunately, the only way to build a WHC title feud is for the champion to drop non-title matches on TV. They should have a good match at Night of Champions, however.
-Backstage, Josh is with Ryback. “The Big Guy!” he exclaims with glee. Ryback is all “Who? Me?” when Josh accuses him of being a bully. Then, Ryback takes him by the face and tosses him to the floor, because he’s not a bully at all.
-Elsewhere, Renee catches up with Paul Heyman and Curtis Axel. She says that Heyman looks shell-shocked and asks if he was afraid of what would happen. A teary eyed Paul Heyman likens CM Punk to a petulant child who was finally put in his place by his father. He closes by saying that CM Punk now knows to not fight with him. Axel and Heyman hop into a sedan, and the driver takes them away. Maybe Kassius Ohno is driving.
Christian vs. Randy Orton
They circle to begin, and Christian goes for the quick rollup. They grapple around the ring before Randy grabs the headlock. Orton hits a shoulderblock. Orton hits a couple of uppercuts, but gets drop toe held into the ropes. Orton counters the outside punch into the hanging DDT, but Christian counters that and dumps him outside. Christian gets the baseball slide and tosses Orton backside for a reverse DDT that gets two. Christian goes up, but misses an attack from the top. Randy follows with a standing dropkick.
Orton beats Christian around the ring for a bit before hooking him up and dropping him over the top rope. Randy hits a running knee that sends Christian outside and to the floor. Christian returns to have limbs targeted by stomps. Orton follows with a running kneedrop for two. Christian gets out of a scoop slam, but Orton sees the second reverse DDT coming and gets out. He gets two from a big headbutt. Randy clubs Christian across the chest a few times before grabbing a chinlock.
Christian elbows his way out of there and gets a right hand. The two trade rights before Christian gets the elbow up in the corner. Randy gets out of the tornado DDT and, like a complete dick; two hand shoves him from the ring. We come back from break with Orton holding on to the trusty chinlock. Christian gets the boots up in the corner and goes up. They battle at the top before Orton takes Christian over with a super-plex.
Orton stalks, but Christian gets small package for two. Orton hits a couple of clotheslines, going for his old babyface comeback, but Christian leans away from the powerslam, causing Orton to fall to the mat, his former babyface powers forsaking him. Christian kicks him in the ribs and punches him about…ten times in the corner. Orton charges out of a corner whip and hits a clothesline. Christian fights back and gets a crossbody from the top for two. Christian comes off the second rope, but Orton and he trade pinning combinations. Randy goes for the hanging DDT, but Christian counters to the Killswitch. Orton counters but eats boots in the corner. Christian gets a tornado DDT for two. Captain Charisma slugs him from the outside but gets caught with the hanging DDT.
Christian counters the RKO and dumps Orton to the mat. Orton hops the spear, but Christian comes back and hits it anyway. Orton just kicks out. Orton runs Christian into the referee and gets a thumb to the eye and the RKO for the win.
Final Thoughts: ***1/2. I might be giving this not enough love, but it’s a good match. I never get tired of these guys together. Christian also bumped like a son of a bitch for Randy, and took a few nasty falls to the outside to help out this heel turn…that half of the female crowd is ignoring, apparently. That’s pretty annoying. It would be like preferring a hot piece of a bleacher on a summer day, as opposed to the piece covered by a beach towel, because it is shiny. He’s bad! He just can’t DDT women anymore to make you hate him.
-After the match, Bryan reveals his contemporary artwork to Randy Orton, spray painting a certain phrase all over Randy’s now Yescalade.
-Afterwards, Brad Maddox, HHH, and Randy look at the damages done. Maddox makes sure to narc on the rest of the roster, saying they were laughing and cheering Bryan on while he was doing it. HHH considers that car his property, as well as the WWE title. Randy is just carrying it for him. It’s nice to be somewhat clear about this feud being HHH vs. Bryan. HHH is champion, after all. Anyways, HHH demands that Brad gets the roster onto the stage to watch and see what happens to Bryan later on in the evening. Oh yeah, and they’ll be fired if they help Bryan. Cole makes sure to plug Brisco Brother Auto Shop for HHH and Randy Orton. I like this catering to longtime viewers with little winks.
Titus O’Neil w/Darren Young vs. Jack Swagger w/Antonio Cesaro and Zeb Colter
Before the match, Zeb rants about people on welfare. Yup. Swagger hits some knees in the corner to begin. He follows with a short armed clothesline for two. Swagger throws some shoulderthrusts in the opposite corner, but Titus hits a few European uppercuts. He runs into a knee, and Swagger works at the leg a bit. Swagger gets a belly to back suplex for two. They slug it out for a bit, but O’Neil hits some shoulderblocks and follows with a fallaway slam. Swagger ducks a big boot and chops the leg. O’Neil gets out of the Patriot Lock but gets a boot in the corner for two. Young intervenes on Swagger using the ropes for leverage on the pin. Titus gets the spinebuster for the win.
Final Thoughts: *1/2, a bit clunky but fine. PTP are catching on as faces, so all is well.
-After a kickass Wyatt Family clip, we get CM Punk refusing medical attention and demanding to get Paul Heyman in a match. So, Brad Maddox makes it an elimination handicap match for the three men of importance. Punk threatens Maddox, saying he’ll come after him if he helps Paul escapes. Hmmm…
Gauntlet Match – Daniel Bryan vs. The Shield
Before the match, Renee is up on the stage and asks different superstars about the current situation in the company. All of them are afraid to speak. Bryan kicks and punches away on Rollins in the corner to start. Bryan goes surfing with Rollins, but Seth rakes the eyes and escapes. Bryan keeps up with some strikes and clotheslines them both out to the floor. Ambrose and Reigns loom and help to distract Bryan. Rollins rams Bryan into the barricade and tosses him back into the ring. Seth stomps away in the corner. Bryan hits some right hands out of the corner, and flips out of the corner. He follows with the clothesline and chops away at a kneeling Seth with kicks. Rollins ducks the buzzsaw and gets out to the apron.
Rollins drapes Daniel’s throat over the top rope and comes off of the rope. Bryan rolls through on him and gets a half crab. Seth gets to the ropes, but gets knocked outside. Daniel follows a dive that sends Rollins flying over the announce table. That was a crazy bump. We come back from break with Rollins in control. Rollins hits a corner forearm splash and slaps away at Bryan in the corner. He follows with another forearm. Rollins taunts Bryan and gets caught with a running dropkick in the corner, being followed in. They slug it out in front of an invested crowd. They trade pinning combinations, before Rollins hits an enzuigiri and a big reverse DDT for two.
Seth puts Bryan up on top and follows him. Bryan fights back and gets behind Rollins. He brings him off the top with a HUGE German suplex from the top. Rollins flips backwards and eats the mat. Bryan charges up and rushes forward with the knee. Of course, the cameramen, lacking quality all night and during this match, completely miss the finishing move.
Ambrose hops in and immediately begins to stomp away. Bryan gets out of a slam and puts Ambrose in the Yes! Lock. Reigns runs in and The Shield start to swarm. Bryan gets the Yes! Lock on Reigns, but The Shield take him apart. Reigns hits the spear. The fans, remembering Big Show’s “ironclad” contract, chant for him. They may want to explain why that contract doesn’t apply here. HHH comes out, and calls for the triple powerbomb. Big Show does some great subtle acting, balling up his fists and making you think that he’s about to deck HHH, but doesn’t.
Randy Orton’s music hits, and you hear some females scream. HHH eyeballs Big Show, getting over on him. HHH waves Orton through to hit an RKO on Bryan. There’s much louder chants for Big Show, now. Once again, this is terrific acting from the big guy. HHH yells at the roster a bit more, and we’re out.
Final Thoughts: ***1/2 for Rollins and Bryan. It was very, very good. Someday, they’ll be able to get twenty minutes. That’ll be a terrific day.
–Bryan certainly isn’t being buried, he’s just human. I think it’s more that HHH is going over, and a lot. It’s clear to see that this is HHH/Bryan with Orton as a lackey. The good news is that HHH is not a 55 year old man, and will get into the ring, right? Yes, that’s four straight shows ending with Bryan looking at the ceiling, and I want to have faith that it’s going to work out. These are TV writers. They know damned well that they’re going to have to send the viewer back to reality happy, eventually. Perhaps next week, we get Dolph, Miz, and Big Show helping Bryan and immediately being fired. Then Vince can overrule HHH to slowly start their feud. Moving forward, I think that Punk threatening Maddox and then not getting what he wants leads to a Shield beatdown and the being of a merger in these stories where Punk and Bryan become the “Indy Mega Powers”. The place will be electric when Punk and Bryan join forces. Fantasy booking aside, they’re going to have to let people at home have a bit of fun and not just the crowd getting the dark match after the face. I’ll just come out and say it. If HHH doesn’t get his comeuppance on a giant stage, this prolonged storyline will have been a failure. I’ll start calling him HHHeat Sink out of spite.
As for the show as a whole, we got three, good, long matches out of it. Oh, and right on to AJ’s promo on the cast of Total Divas. Cool beans. It’s a shame that everyone but Nattie has no clue on how to sell a promo. “Say it to our face!” they screamed from the floor. Alex Riley’s kickass theme couldn’t help you there, ladies.
