Bad Movies 2020 (and beyond)

[RedJed]

I finally got to fuckin Imaginary, and I wish I hadn't!

This film was so dull and uneventful. Done by the same dude who wrote and directed such duds for Blumhouse as Fantasy Island and Truth or Dare, this is right up there as another one of the worst to churn out from BH. Why this same guy keeps getting these opportunities is beyond me. And why and how they felt like this deserved a theatrical run also baffled me.

The best I can say is that there was some interesting ideas that could have taken off here, but as soon as you thought that was going to happen, it went in another toothless direction. This happened more than once in the film. I thought this was going to be some wonky bender of a story about a possessed teddy bear, but really that was not the premise.

Very and I mean VERY flat acting and exposition scenes, a real lack of imagination in the script ironically enough. The ending was about as ridiculous and stupid as one could imagine up.

Avoid this half-assed attempt at Coraline meets kinda Poltergeist.

 

[Gary]

https://twitter.com/i/web/status/1784011656600666489

lol

 

[Cackling Co Pilot Kamala]

Jerry Seinfeld's 'Unfrosted' one of the decade's worst movies

Inspired by Pop-Tarts, Netflix comedy serves jokes that are just as weird and flat

chicago.suntimes.com

That trailer was so bad, I thought I was taking crazy pills. I’m glad my fifth favorite At The Movies reviewer can confirm this.

 

[treble]

So, it’s not a good movie (I think I chuckled maybe once or twice in the 90 minutes), but I don’t think it’s quite the train wreck some are making it out to be.

Knowing there was a January 6-type scene, I groaned when I heard what Fred Armisen’s character was named.

Basically it just seems like the whole movie was just an excuse for him to work or hangout with people he wouldn’t normally.

 

[Brocklock]

I thought Unfrosted was brutal, but I have a low tolerance for bad comedies. None of the comedy really hit. I liked Jim Gaffigan and Bill Burr is funny as JFK, but that's about it. This year's Fool's Paradise. Jerry Seinfeld is not funny at all in this, and I don't want to watch him do anything at this point.


For a similar type of satire, the recent Daniel Radcliffe Weird Al biopic is so much funnier.

 

[treble]

Yeah, Seinfeld should never be the lead actor in anything ever again.

There are a few bits and pieces that I liked, but they were all just one-offs. Peter Dinklage comes in, kills it, and then you never see him again. I want a movie of evil milk tycoon Peter Dinklage.

 

[Gary]

Apparently, this is actually getting a decent sized release today, and I just learned it existed (also @RedJed I know you like to see bad movies in theaters but I’d sit this one out-plus I rarely go out of my way to see shitty movies nowadays)

 

[Hawk 34]

Maybe it was better when people really did think Jamie Foxx was dead and got cloned.

I would say poor Mickey Rourke but ya know…

 

[RedJed]

Apparently, this is actually getting a decent sized release today, and I just learned it existed (also @RedJed I know you like to see bad movies in theaters but I’d sit this one out-plus I rarely go out of my way to see shitty movies nowadays)

Yeah I aint touching that one with a ten foot pole.

One movie that sounded god awful and did want to check out was some garbage called Poolman. Apparently Chris Pine directed this, besides the lead star in it. It was in a few Twin Cities spots over a course of one week and then seems to be already one and done. I do plan on a followup when it hits VOD though. It sounds like quite the thorough trainwreck.

And def have a new inclusion into the mix of what I've seen recently, actually a few.

First, Sasquatch Sunset. A total what the fuck am I watching kind of thing, and what exactly was the intention here.....I guess a low brow comedy, but I didn't laugh once. And its been awhile since I had flat out walked out of a film, but I gave this 45 minutes and I tapped out when a single bad joke kept getting repeated. This was a whole new level of bad and probably the front runner for one of the years worst so far to me, even thought I must have been in some minority as it got 70 percent on RT? The hell?

And then a more recent one of note from this past weekend, the remake of The Strangers. Everything was far worse than either sequel here....the acting was wooden and really terrible, the script and the lines were just as bad, and even though this was supposed to be some NOT remake and NOT a sequel....actually it came off very much like a redux of the first film, with very irrelevant minor changes to the story. I guess perhaps it can be blamed that the attempt to film all three of these chapters at the same time and not in order came off rushed and underdeveloped....that seemed very much to be the case here as three films worth of content were filmed in a two month stretch late 2022. Particularly in this one, the main male lead was incredibly terrible. You would have to be a huge fan of the original to even remotely consider this.

 

[strummer]

Kevin Costner's "Horizon: An American Saga" is getting destroyed by critics

 

[Brocklock]

And def have a new inclusion into the mix of what I've seen recently, actually a few.

First, Sasquatch Sunset. A total what the fuck am I watching kind of thing, and what exactly was the intention here.....I guess a low brow comedy, but I didn't laugh once. And its been awhile since I had flat out walked out of a film, but I gave this 45 minutes and I tapped out when a single bad joke kept getting repeated. This was a whole new level of bad and probably the front runner for one of the years worst so far to me, even thought I must have been in some minority as it got 70 percent on RT? The hell?

Surprisingly, I actually liked it. It took me like 15-20 minutes to get used to it, but I ended up finding it weirdly compelling. I found it more sad than funny, especially once I figured out that their rhythmic pounding on the trees was to find other sasquatches because there aren't many left in this world. It's listed as an Absurdist Fantasy Drama on Wiki which is more apt than comedy to me. I thought the committed performances, cinematography, and especially the makeup were fantastic. Riley Keough I thought was great and I actually recognized her through the makeup because of her expressive eyes. Eisenberg is great as well and unrecognizable.

But, it's definitely not for everyone. It's the closest movie to a cinematic troll or shitpost since Trash Humpers, The Greasy Strangler, and Freddy Got Fingered. And it has more in common with something like A Ghost Story to me than a low brow comedy.

 

[909]

Kevin Costner's "Horizon: An American Saga" is getting destroyed by critics

I don't give a shit tbh, most of those people are French cum sucking scumbags. It's the first part of a much larger story.

 

[Cackling Co Pilot Kamala]

Michael Cole voice: Vintage 909

 

[Brocklock]

Borderlands is Rated PG-13. From what I've seen the game is very R Rated. This looks like a 11% on Rotten Tomatoes type of movie.

 

[909]

Goddamn this Unfrosted shit ain’t exactly putting silence to the idea Seinfeld was the least funny part of Seinfeld. Not sure how I’m gonna make it through this.

 

[Brocklock]

Goddamn this Unfrosted shit ain’t exactly putting silence to the idea Seinfeld was the least funny part of Seinfeld. Not sure how I’m gonna make it through this.

It's brutal. Jerry Seinfeld should never be allowed to star in a movie ever again. And what a cast of actors I really can't stand, aside from some of the cameos and Jim Gaffigan.

I flip flop on this and Fools Paradise in what I hate more. On one hand you have Jerry Seinfeld as a leading man, on the other Ken Jeong has the most lines in the movie because Charlie Day is playing a mute. Fools Paradise has the better cast and doesn't feel so bland, so it edges out Unfrosted. But, both are two of the most excruciating comedies in the last ten years.

 

[909]

This is literally the worst movie I’ve ever watched. I can’t even finish it and I never do that. I would rather commit suicide than finish this. Fuckin how did this get made without someone stepping in and telling them it was a pile of shit

 

[BruiserBrody]

Only laugh I had during Unfrosted was Jim Gaffigan's diabetes joke.

 

[Brocklock]

I think I smirked at Gaffigan once or twice and that was about it.

 

[Gary]

Outside of Bill Burr* as JFK, I didn't laugh once. Also, I can't decide which is worse-the January 6th parody, Jerry lip-syncing to Jimmy Fallon and Meghan Trainor, or the "Mad Men" scene. Shit nearly broke me.

*one of the joys of YouTube is learning that Burr, Bill Hader and Sarah Sherman have great taste in movies.

 

[HarleyQuinn]

Harold and the Purple Crayon looks like it could go either way. Not helped that it has Zach Levi doing his Zach Levi schtick. Looks like it's also, at least from the trailer, torn between trying to aim itself at older kids (when the original story was for preschoolers) and trying to be "adult" entertaining ala Shazam and such. The tagline says it all too, "Everything He Draws Is About to Get Real," about a movie that is predicated on imagination.

 

[Youth N Asia]

Latest effort from Kevin Smith. Looks agressivly
mediocre.

 

[cobainwasmurdered]

I don't know how he keeps getting funding to make movies at this point.

 

[Gary]

I knew "The Strangers: Chapter One" wasn't going to be good, but I wasn't prepared for how awful it actually is. May be one of the most pointless things I've ever seen.

 

[Gary]

lol

I normally don't give a shit about kids movies, but this looks like the pits

 

[Brocklock]

Borderlands is predictably getting destroyed. 4% on Rotten Tomatoes with 25 reviews. I can't see it getting out of the single digits.

 

[Gary]

Borderlands is predictably getting destroyed. 4% on Rotten Tomatoes with 25 reviews. I can't see it getting out of the single digits.

I mentioned it in the Box Office thread, but this movie has been through production hell. I don't know if anyone-even Eli Roth-have bothered promoting it.

 

[Youth N Asia]

Borderlands is predictably getting destroyed. 4% on Rotten Tomatoes with 25 reviews. I can't see it getting out of the single digits.

Currently 1 for 33 with 3%

 

[Big Papa Paegan]

Just another entry in the long line of "let's take an existing property, remove what people love about it, and sell it to kids" that's resulted in failure.

 

[Brocklock]

I think 3% may be the lowest RT score for a Cate Blanchett movie. I remember when she was on a talk show with Margot Robbie a few years and got very snobbish and indignant when Robbie started talking about loving metal and bands like Slipknot and Metallica. Cate equated it to monster truck races and didn't come off very well imo. Well, lady you did Borderlands, so now you have no high horse to stand on.