In Which I Briefly Review Movies

[Mickey Massuco]

I saw the original Top Gun recently, I was surprised at how bad it was. With the hype and societal impact I thought it would be a lot better but it is straight up trash. I don’t see a difference between a movie like that and all the cheesy 80s martial arts trash movies I like tbh. This was somehow worse. 3/10.

 

[909]

Jurassic World: Dominion, 2022, Colin Trevorrow, 4.5/10 - I have weird feelings about this. Firstly, I hate the director. This guy is incapable of making anything good but it seemed like until this movie he was also incapable of making anything fun. Well this movie is fun even though it sucks. When a director is incapable of making a good product, they tend to overload things and because this movie has a built in cast from thirty years ago, it's hard to fuck things up all that much. That being said the whole story is complete nonsense (to a far greater extent than something should be even with this ridiculous premise) and feels like a massive waste of the potential this franchise had, but the three characters people actually care about were on the screen. There's no substitute for that. The first thirty minutes of this though, I was wondering how it could be possible to make a movie this boring. It doesn't stay that way at least. I'm not gonna elaborate that much but this franchise has been mutilated to the point that I'm not sure how anyone could make another movie, I don't know why anyone would make another movie in this universe either, but there's also tons of ways a Jurassic Park movie would be interesting. I have lots of ideas, but I don't know how any of them could get made.

 

[909]

I saw the original Top Gun recently, I was surprised at how bad it was. With the hype and societal impact I thought it would be a lot better but it is straight up trash. I don’t see a difference between a movie like that and all the cheesy 80s martial arts trash movies I like tbh. This was somehow worse. 3/10.

It's even more jarring seeing a few scenes of the movie after having seen the sequel. You wonder how a trash movie like that could ever produce something so good and it just doesn't make any sense.

 

[RedJed]

Yeah, the original Top Gun did not hold up well at all. I rewatched it after many decades of avoiding it before I saw the sequel. Got a few positive points for a great post-conversion 3d release on Bluray that made it a bit more enjoyable to watch than normal, but from the verbiage of the scenes to the pace of the film, and so many other negative aspects, it's really amazing how Top Gun held up for decades (in a sense).

 

[909]

Fresh, 2022, Mimi Cave, 6.5/10 - I don't like when my score is this conventional, but the fact here is that this movie is just too long for the content contained within it. I liked this film but that's the reality of it. For those who don't know, Fresh is the story of Noa (Daisy Edgar-Jones) and Steve (Sebastian Stan). Noa is a serial online dater who hates the people she matches up with. She runs into Steve at the grocery store one day, he asks for her number, and they fuck. Steve plans a weekend getaway and it turns out that he sells girls as meat. I laughed while writing this. Anyway, Steve is like a Patrick Bateman caricature but this version is quite good regardless, Noa is one of many girls who is used for meat, and well this is all really gross. I dig how gross it is and how provocative this film is, but they don't go all the way with it. As for what that means, watch the movie and decide. I laughed a lot while watching this, but there's ten minutes that could be...chopped off here.

 

[909]

Da 5 Bloods, 2020, Spike Lee, 10/10 - I usually don't speak in absolutes but if you don't like this movie you're a fucking idiot. Rarely do I feel so strongly about something after having watched it, but I could go back and watch it again tonight without hesitation. I'm gonna watch The Black Phone instead though. You know, I feel like this is a movie that would regularly get television play and fall into a pantheon of movies that never get old, but this is a Netflix movie and as such it will never be on TBS/TNT/etc. Sometimes there are these movies that get such good word of mouth that I build it up in my head and wait too long to see said movies, and that's the situation here pretty much. I should have watched this a long time ago.

I could go on and on for a long time about many different things, but I was struck by this movie to a point where I hardly know what to say. I will however say that you could watch hundreds of movies, shit I would go so far as to say hundreds of good movies and you won't see a performance better than Delroy Lindo's. I don't have to watch everything from 2020 to know his is the best performance. I also feel like this is my defining Chadwick Boseman performance. This movie is so raw, and with Chadwick gone, a few of these scenes unintentionally come so hard at you. The scenes with the landmine, specifically with Eddie and David, there are metaphors there but I'm not skilled or learned enough to adequately draw those lines. I know I'm stingy with giving out 10s but this meets the main standard I have, how did I feel the day after I watched this? If I think about the movie how hard is it hitting me? Amazing cast, amazing score, amazing cinematography, amazing film. It's the opposite of Miracle at St. Anna where Spike did a lot of unconventional things, made a great scene out of the massacre at the center of the film, but he picked a cast that wasn't as experienced and his tangents didn't really work. Here they ALL WORK. I do however worry that a lot of the people who would most want to watch a film like this (older people) either don't know it exists or could never figure out how to watch it. My dad is in that boat.

 

[AA484]

Idk man, I'm gonna have to disagree bigly with you here. I'll post my thoughts later when I have more time but all I'll say for now is that Boseman deserved a lot better and Spike could have done a lot better.

 

[King Kamala]

Yeah. I was quite surprised by the unequivocal 10/10. Maybe I need to give it a rewatch but I thought it was solid but unremarkable 7.5 out of 10 movie.

 

[AA484]

I also grade war and war-related movies on a tougher scale, which probably accounts for part of why I thought less highly of it.

 

[909]

Yeah I didn’t really see this as a war movie. I thought this was about brotherhood juxtaposed with greed, the inability to maintain friendship in a world where we are designed to remain separated from each other. Hard to explain more from my phone though

 

[AA484]

I'm still on my phone too lol

Usually we see eye to eye on moveis, but I just thought the flashbacks were the worst part. Some of the movie gave off a made for TV, late 80s/early 90s feel, which wasn't a good thing. I have more to say, but it will have to wait

 

[909]

I thought the flashbacks were like that on purpose because they were being seen through old man eyes.

 

[909]

The Black Phone, 2022, Scott Derrickson, 7/10 - I think this is a great movie until the last ten minutes, which I wasn't the biggest fan of both in terms of how it was filmed or how it played out. The Black Phone is a movie about a serial killer and his prey, in this case THE GRABBER (Ethan Hawke) and Finney (Mason Thames), the latter being the former's eventual captive. The Grabber had been prowling around Denver picking up boys and doing who-knows-what to them before eventually kidnapping Finney as he was walking home from school. The gimmick here is that there's a disconnected black phone in the basement that gives Finney instructions on how to avoid being killed by his captor. While that's a gimmick it's not like there's a lot of thought devoted to how that could happen, it just is what is happening and everyone can accept that without the question being answered for them. Or you can not accept that and subsequently not dig the movie. The setting is great, it's accurate, the scenario feels very realistic (phone excepted), and the child cast does a hell of a job here. The child beating scene was something though, but it didn't bother me because that never happened to me. YMMV.

 

[Mickey Massuco]

Ethan Hawke is seriously one of the most underrated actors around. His resume of varied performances should put him up with there with the GOAT's of his era.

 

[Brooklyn Zoo]

Yeah, he’s severely underrated. I appreciate how seriously he takes every role. Doesn’t feel like he ever milks it.

 

[HarleyQuinn]

Yeah, he’s severely underrated. I appreciate how seriously he takes every role. Doesn’t feel like he ever milks it.

I really love that he's turned a corner towards taking horror movie/thriller roles since stuff like Sinister and The Purge as it helps cater to his strengths a lot. He doesn't have to Oscar bait those types of movies but he possesses a serious enough character-actor vibe that he can pull off a lot of those roles pretty easily.

 

[909]

Thor: Love and Thunder, 2022, Taika Waititi, 6.5/10 - I don't wanna spoil anything, I thought this movie was alright. There were things I liked and things I didn't. Post-credits were a big highlight but I'm starting to get annoyed that this isn't all more obviously building towards something.

 

[909]

The Personal History of David Copperfield, 2020, Armando Iannucci, 6/10 - When I was a kid, I read the David Copperfield book about 100 times. Not exaggerating here. The adaptation into a movie is not exactly what I was expecting, but I think overall this is more my issue with the genre than it is with the story. I find most costume dramas to be dull and while this isn't dull, it just isn't quite what I would have expected. There are highlights though. The cast is great, Hugh Laurie and Peter Capaldi's parts stand out more than the rest. To some extent David (Dev Patel) feels more like a cipher to introduce us to everyone else rather than to stand up on his own as a character. However, to that point it's also the case where everyone else in the movie is more like a caricature than well rounded and easily understandable. This is alright, but I am biased, as I said when I was a kid I really loved this story.

 

[909]

The Death of Dick Long, 2019, Daniel Scheinert, 7/10 - You guys should watch this if you haven't. I can't think of many movies that are more tuned towards this board's taste in comedy. It's not an outright comedy, but this movie has a sickening concept and I couldn't stop laughing at a lot of the more minor bits here. The frequent playing of nu-metal here is a big highlight, and I enjoyed seeing something with characters that are on the ass end of society. Nobody makes movies about people like these. It's all done in a way that you know the director found all these things funny and doesn't think these guys are actually cool at all. The concept here is that there's three guys in a band and they're in Alabama. They're Dick (Daniel Scheinert), Zeke (Michael Abbott Jr.), and Earl (Andre Hyland). One night they're practicing with their band and it's time to GET WEIRD. THEY GET WEIRDER THAN I EVER THOUGHT POSSIBLE AND DICK DIES. WHAT DO YOU DO NOW?

The only reason I'm not giving this a higher rating is because the story dies a bit towards the end. Pun not intended.

 

[909]

The Irishman, 2019, Martin Scorsese, 9.5/10 - I'm docking this .5 because the movie is so long I couldn't find a way to shove it into my day for a very long time. I do think this movie is too long even after watching it. Not because of a lack of content but because of accessibility, which sounds like a stupid ass reasoning even as I'm typing it out, but it's still a problem. As for what I liked here, probably all of it? It's great to see the group here together for one last go at making a movie, and everyone's great in it. But there's a difference between this movie and Goodfellas or Casino, and you can just tell what it is even if you can't explain it. Both those other movies are shorter or slightly shorter and pound from one scene to the next, The Irishman doesn't quite do that. Instead it is a film that shows signs of being made by someone older, of nostalgia prevalent in big set pieces, a strong feeling of 'this is how it was' and showing how these things were woven into greater society. The point is that this nation is synonymous with greed and crime, it does not end and it keeps moving, and if someone has to be disposed of in order for that to happen, we all just accept it. The effects are a little goofy but Al Pacino's performance as Jimmy Hoffa is about as good as it gets, only topped by those performances he's had that literally cannot be surpassed. I did also appreciate the end of the film in that we rarely see characters face lasting consequences for their crimes, and being disowned is like, exactly what should happen. I could say more but I don't want to drone on.

 

[Brooklyn Zoo]

Glad you appreciated it. In 20 years, it will be considered a classic. Also, I think there’s an argument to be made that it’s Joe Pesci’s best performance. Like he was as scary with a reserved demeanor as he was going nuts in Goodfellas.

 

[909]

Eurovision Song Contest: The Story of Fire Saga, 2020, David Dobkin, 4/10 - There's two things I want to harp on here. I feel like this movie is a weird attempt to capitalize on pro-Iceland spirits after they made the Euros and World Cup, but they couldn't make a movie about that so they decided to make this one instead. Nothing's gonna change my mind either. The movie is already hurt by that but it's worse because Will Ferrell is so featured here. I don't understand why Adam Sandler gets grief and Will Ferrell doesn't. The latter is clearly much worse, he's a worse dramatic actor, he's less amusing and far more annoying. This movie is mildly funny at best but he's a drain on it and I never find anything he does to be funny. This is also much too long and should have had thirty minutes chopped out of it. I also feel like the kind of humor I like is completely incompatible with him or any of the humor his fans like, so it is what it is. Eurovision is a really weird thing but this twist on the format doesn't do much of anything for me. And I don't understand why any woman would bang Ferrell's character in this movie either? Ah well.

 

[Brocklock]

I remember watching it and realizing there was still 57 minutes left and then shutting it off.

 

[909]

I remember watching it and realizing there was still 57 minutes left and then shutting it off.

I feel like this dude doesn't get nearly the shit that he deserves. His 'performances' or whatever you'd call them are Pauly Shore level and nowhere near that of anyone who should be considered a good comedian.

 

[AA484]

Damn, this shit got decent reviews, too. Not great, but average. Looks like it should be much worse than the 6 to 7 range that imdb and RT have it at.

 

[909]

The Kid Detective, 2020, Evan Morgan, 6.5/10 - This was a pleasant surprise. I saw that this was very well reviewed, but considering the genre my expectations are usually quite low. I do not expect interesting mystery stories anymore. They're few and far between. Anyways, Abe (Adam Brody) was one of those kids who was smart and shit and they solved cases around town, but they weren't very important. All of a sudden something really bad happened and his town got cynical, they stopped showing him the love or caring about him, and with no future in being an amateur detective Abe became a washout. One day this teenager comes into his office and wants him to find out who murdered her boyfriend. Think he can figure that out? Answer is obviously yes or this wouldn't be a movie, but there are highlights here. One standout was Abe hiding in a kid's closet for nearly a whole day trying not to get busted for breaking into a house. I dig that all this stuff was played super straight, but there's a limit to what a story like this one can achieve.

 

[909]

The Nest, 2020, Sean Durkin, 7/10 - Obviously now I'm moving forward into 2020, there's a movie or more from 2019 that I haven't seen and will eventually get around to, but it's time to push forward. Shouldn't have spent 2020 not doing anything, but whatever. There's more movies from 2020 that seem interesting than I thought there would be. This was one of them. The Nest is a story similar to Wall Street, except the guy is never rich and is pretending the whole time while telling people bullshit. Rory (Jude Law) is married to Allison (Carrie Coon) and they have a son together as well as her daughter from a prior relationship. The Nest is also set in the 80s so you can see why I'm making the Wall Street connection. It is very deliberate. They lived in New York, but at Rory's behest relocated back to England and started spending all kinds of money they didn't have. And well, it isn't going great. I'm usually a fan of stories about greed and this one's no different. There are some questions about Rory I would like to know the answer to, and I'd like to see the fallout of that night so I feel like the movie ends slightly too soon. It's good to see a movie about the real nuts and bolts of marriage though.

 

[909]

Project Power, 2020, Henry Joost and Ariel Schulman, 5/10 - We have another entry for the pile here. Great concept, shitty execution that very much feels like a Shitflix movie. Said concept is a story about a drug that gives the user five minutes of seemingly a randomly generated super power. Robin (Dominique Fishback) is a street level dealer of said drug, one of her regulars is a police officer named Frank (Joseph Gordon-Levitt), and there's Art (Jamie Foxx), a dude trying to stop all these shenanigans from taking place. Actually though, the weird part? Art's motivations change after the first scene and you find out he's trying to find his daughter, which doesn't make much sense in the context of the first scene at all. Anyway, problem with this movie is that the super powers are really underwhelming and mostly as simple as shooting someone in order to stop them. None of the actors are bad here, my problem is solely misuse of the concept. When you make a movie like this one I don't think it's right for everyone to go down so easily.

 

[Mickey Massuco]

Apparently in the new Thor movie, Bale had way more interesting scenes that really displayed the true nature of his character but they had to be cut because they were too dark for a family friendly franchise. People already liked his performance too so I’m really curious as to what was cut.

 

[909]

Nope, 2022, Jordan Peele, 8.5/10 - I don't know how I'll feel about this a few days from now, but that's how I feel now. I saw this so much sooner than everyone else that it's difficult to review this without spoiling too much. Anyway, Keke Palmer's performance here is great. This movie rides a lot of genres but what it seemed clearly not to be was a movie with racial subtext. Obviously that's different from Peele's first two films, so I heard someone trying to find that kind of subtext as I was leaving the theater. I could genuinely not find it so I may be way off here. As such this movie isn't pointed commentary so much as it is an alien story, specifically a story about the spectacle of aliens and getting famous by presenting proof of them. Fame being the key thing here, of course. There are a lot of nods to movies here of course, chiefly among them THE SCORPION KING, and I thought the story being told in chapters was for the best as one group of scenes otherwise doesn't fit here even though it needs to be explained. Characters here are all great too.