WWE Superstars – 7/18/2013

WWE Superstars – 7/18/2013

Funky is on a roll.  Probably the theme song I have heard most of Superstars.  The Funkadactyls are out first.  Then Tons of Funk.

Alex Riley is wearing sunglasses, supposedly because the WWE’s future is blindingly bright with Damien Sandow winning Money in the Bank “just 14 months into his career”.

Alex asks which one is Tons and which one is Funk.

More importantly, the Prime Time Players come out next.

Tons of Funk vs. The Prime Time Players

Tony Dawson tries to say these teams are like mirror images of each other.  Not sure how that works but Darren Young and Big Brodus Clay start the match.

Darren starts throwing some kicks towards Brodus but as he tries to up the impact, Brodus shakes him off.  That brings in The Real Deal, Titus O’Neil.

Tons of Funk makes a tag and starts utilizing some tandem offense.  Sweet T flips Titus and celebrates.  Titus is able to dodge Tensai with some agility and takes down Big Baldo.  Tag in to Darren Young and the PTP do their suplex Darren onto the fallen prey spot.

Riley starts telling a joke about having to borrow a shirt from Titus and paying his dry cleaning, where he starts laughing to the point you can’t quite understand him.

Titus is keeping Tensai down, varying heavy hitting leg drops and tying up Tensai’s arm.  Tensai rallies a little bit but Titus boots him down and does a cocky tag to Darren Young, who comes in dropping multiples leg drops across Tensai’s throat.

Sweet T gets choked in the ropes.  As the ref pulls Darren away, Titus nails T with a cheapshot. A confident Darren goes for another blow but Tensai escapes and gets over to his partner.

Brodus is all clotheslines and suplexes as he comes in, wearing down Darren before a big corner splash and a slam.

Titus breaks up the count and all four men in the ring.  Titus is shuffled away and Tons of Funk put on a show as Brodus hits a big splash for the victory.

Winners: Tons of Funk

The Funkadactyls are in getting the dancing going again.  Tons of Funk having a good time, although the dance moves of Brodus look much less inspired these days.

After a quick break, Dawson and Riley recap Cena’s victory at Money in the Bank, transitioning to the Mark Henry/Shield segment.

They next advertise John Cena: The Decision.  Was it plugged as that on RAW?  It was a similar graphic but I do not remember that.  It would have been awesome for Cena to say he was taking his talent to Aberdeen, Washington(‘s favorite son).

The Brooklyn Brawler is in the house!  AND he has music and a Titan Tron to go with his Deron Williams jersey.  Pretty sizable ovation.

The Ryback comes out.

The Brooklyn Brawler vs. Ryback

The Brawler gets a ton of offense in to start the match.  Really just throwing a bunch of punches but he lands more successful punches now than I think he did in all of 1994.

Ryback hits a meat hook clothesline out of nowhere.


Sorry, Brawler.

Winner: Ryback

The talk post-match is still all Brawler.  Perfect sense.

Punk-Heyman segment from Monday is scheduled to be replayed next.

Summerslam commercial I am seeing for the first time.  Slow song while pictures of wrestlers as kids show “Reach for the stars”.  Okay.

One Finger and a Fist.  Big Show Returns video.   That song.

Punk/Heyman/Lesnar segment finally airs.

The host of Summerslam, The Miz, comes to the ring ready to wrestle.

Dawson changes Miz’s Most Must See Superstar line to calling him the “Self-Proclaimed”.  Riley is starting to like Miz again.  Both had their best runs together…

3MB comes out next.  They are talking about Slater looking for a shampoo commercial.  Pssh.  That’s a Wrestlemania-worthy story.

The Miz vs. Heath Slater

Miz has added a lot of dimensions to his match, per Alex Riley.  We will let that slide, A-Ry.

Miz goes after Slater and both men avoid each other’s offense until Miz gets a quick rollup.  Two count.

Miz gets a toss and a kick before Slater hits a nasty neckbreaker on Miz.

Slater ties up the former WWE Champion with a chinlock and then smashes his head on the mat before reapplying.

Both competitors get to their feet and Miz starts regaining momentum.  He hits some quick moves, hits his corner flying clothesline spot and some more high risk offense.

Miz starts delivering some strong kicks to Slater’s leg.  Probably working toward the Figure Four.

Slater knocks Miz down for a failed pin attempt and he is favoring that leg.  Miz gets right back to the leg.  Nasty drop to the leg.  As he starts to go for the Figure Four, Drew and Jinder on the apron.

Quick roll-up for two.

Miz clears 3MB away and is able to secure the Figure Four and the victory.

Winner: The Miz

Tony Dawson sells the resiliency of The Miz as the replays air.

Miz celebrates in the ring as 3MB glare at him from the ramp.

Total Divas promo airs.  We are told to “say goodbye to dressing room doors” and the Divas will be “exposed as never before”.  Who wants in on a false advertisement lawsuit?

Recap of the John Cena Selection Special airs.  While I am never a fan of the close of RAW being the close to Superstars, I did enjoy the close of this week’s show…


WWE Superstars Win/ Loss Totals (beginning May 16, 2013)

Brodus Clay                                                        3-0

Natalya                                                                 3-0

Justin Gabriel                                                     2-0

The Miz                                                                   2-0

R-Truth                                                                 2-0

Sin Cara                                                                2-0

Layla                                                                      1-0

Cody Rhodes                                                     1-0

Ryback                                                                  1-0

Tensai                                                                   3-1

Antonio Cesaro                                                 2-1

Wade Barrett                                                     1-1

Cameron                                                             1-1

Heath Slater                                                       1-1

Naomi                                                                   1-2

Titus O’Neil                                                         1-2

Brie Bella                                                             0-1

Nikki Bella                                                           0-1

Brooklyn Brawler                                             0-1

Epico                                                                     0-1

Michael McGillicutty                                       0-1

Primo                                                                    0-1

Tamina Snuka                                                    0-1

Jey Uso                                                                0-1

Jimmy Uso                                                          0-1

Alex Riley                                                            0-2

Zack Ryder                                                          0-4

Darren Young                                                    0-4


Written by B. Patrick

Currently residing in Phoenix, Arizona, B. Patrick's interests include comedy, basketball, wrestling, comic books and can change as quickly as a butterfly flaps its wings.

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