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Random TNA Bullshit Vol. 2

Cackling Co Pilot Kamala

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Dinner is over, home alone so time to live blog the FIRST THANKSGIVING EPISODE of Impact Wrestling.

11-23-2006

This is best if not biggest era of TNA Wrestling.

Recap of Genesis 2006, which was most notable for PPV where Kurt Angle made his in ring debut (and ABYSS became NWA World Champion)

David Penzer introduces the new NWA World Champion THE MONSTER ABYSS and his manager Father James Mitchell. Father James has come a long way since the Disciples of the New Church.

Sound mix is terrible as I can barely hear Don & Mike's banter. WE SAW A SIDE OF STING WE NEVER SAW BEFORE AT GENESIS!

Father Jim wants Sting to come back to the side of evil.

Sting comes out but...even Don West doesn't believe it's Sting. It's Christian Cage.

Sign: Christian Cage IS MY ROLL MODEL!

Does Christian model baked goods? #DadJokes

Christian isn't going to wait for Sting to reinforce his rematch clause at Turning Point against "that masked retard Abyss".

Goofy looking fans want Sting.

There he is! He repels down on top of Don & Mike's booth.

Sting wants to beat Christian's ass tonight. He's in a bad mood. Christian Cage doesn't care about Sting's mood swings. He could care less about the plight of a three toed sloth (why do I feel like that line was fed to him by Cornette?). Christian says we'll have Christian Vs Sting for the first time ever in the Impact Zone if Sting puts his NWA World Title shot at Turning Point on the line.

Impact intro. Which really does feel like the '06 updated version of the Nitro credits.

Eric Young whoops it up in a turkey suit. Fan with a "TNA Needs Y2J" sign. It's Thanksgiving Night in the Impact Zone!
 
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Cackling Co Pilot Kamala

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AJ Styles and Christian Cage (during his douchey Morpheus Cosplay) enter. They're taking on...somebody with Shane Douglas. The Naturals, probably.

We cut away to Kurt Angle arriving at the Impact Zone, wearing a velour track jacket with no shirt underneath and jeans.

Raven vignette and man, he's aged a lot in the three and a half years. SEROTONIN is coming. This must've been one of the crappy attempts to revitalize the Flock that undoubtedly ticked @Laz shitless.

Yeah, it's The Naturals. Man, they were on the paayrolll for a long time for a team that didn't do much of anything of note. If you told me they were on the roster until 2011, I'd be like "Wow. Weird. Whatever." but believe you.

Styles and Daniels win basically an extended squash with a frog splash and BME.

This match is sponsored by whichever version of Sonic The Hedgehog came out in 2006.

Rhino wants to celebrate with Daniels and Styles but AJ wants none of it as Alex Shelley and Austin Starr and Jerry Lynn, Sonjay Dutt, and Jay Lethal look on at opposite ends of entrance ramp.

Don no longer has the goofy shirt and tie combos that he had in 2003.

Eric Young in his turkey costume interrupts Don running down the card. IT WOULDN'T BE THANKSGIVING WITHOUT ERIC YOUNG IN A TURKEY COSTUME!

Oh God! The VKM are in Stamford, CT. BG James is pissed off about Big DIck Johnson and the Democrats winning the '06 midterm elections. He is going to serve a cease and desist to MICHAEL HICKENBOTTOM, PAUL LEVESQUE, and VINCENT KENNEDY MCMAHON for ruining DX.

Chrissy Hemme says next we have a Canadian superstar turning red, white, and blue.
 

Cackling Co Pilot Kamala

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James El. Cornette has demanded the return of the NWA World Tag Teams from LAX for disrespecting the American flag. He introduces the Master of the Canadian Destroyer Petey Williams. He saved the American flag.

HE MAY BE CANADIAN BUT HE WON'T LET ANYONE DISRESPECT THE AMERICAN FLAG.

He's had his problems with the fans in the Impact Zone and the country of America but FLAG BURNING IS NOT RIGHT and the only person who could stop LAX with him.

Jim Cornette says they're going to raise the American flag above the Impact Zone.

This type of patriotism feels outdated already in 2006. As evidenced by Democrats winning the midterms.

LAX interrupts. Don and Mike Tenay are appalled.

LAX aren't giving the titles back. They're serving papers. TNA is infringing on their first amendment rights. Petey Williams says he's got something to serve and decks Gonna. He's already an honorary American. Homicde and Hernandez beat I'm down and put the Mexican flag over him. Konnan throttles Cornette. Gail Kim and AMW try to run in for the save but get beaten down. WAIT! IT'S A REAL REPRESENTATIVE OF THE USA! OLYMPIC GOLD MEDALIST Kurt Angle! Suplexes for all those loudmouth latinos.

WHAT A NIGHT IN THE IMPACT ZONE!

WHAT THE!? Samoa Joe in sweet TNA long sleeve t-shirt. HE'S CONFRONTING Kurt Angle!

We come back from commercial with Joe on the mic. He was undefeated 18 months. He said he would raise Kurt Angle's hands if he lost if he felt he was the better man. He was the better man for one night but he wants one more match. Kurt Angle says he'll grant him a rematch if they protect each other's back until Turning Point. Let's see what VKM has in store. Let's not.
 

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Yes. Serotonin sucked. It could have worked, maybe, if it was given any room beyond curtain jerking...but no. It wasn't.

Incredible waste of Johnny Devine.
 

Cackling Co Pilot Kamala

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BG James railing against '06 DX subjecting fans to dumb skits is ultimate example of pot calling the kettle black. He yells at the Garmin.

Cute Kip throws some eggs at a Target. BG James said to egg the target not just A target.

Turkey suit Eric Young whoops it up some more.

Jeremy Borash said the stars of the Impact are invading Arena Monterey in Mexico this weekend. Borash plugs the 50 Greatest Moments in TNA History DVD set, available on their website. Turning Point happens on December 10th.

Bobby Roode calls Eric Young an IDIOT! He is an embarrassment. Bobby Roode wants a rematch with Eric Young. EY beat him in the Genesis pre-show. WE'LL GET AN ANSWER AFTER THE COMMERCIAL BREAK!

"Showtime" Eric Young accepts.

Slick Johnson is reffing in shorts for some reason.

For some reason, Don West is acting like Eric Young in a turkey suit is absolute weirdest thing he's seen in his four and a half years in TNA.


Turkey Eric Young catches Booby Roode off guard with a roll up for the fluke win. Both these men would go on to become multiple time NWA World Champions.

Bobby Roode blames Ms. Brooks. He was the hottest free agent in wrestling and everyone hates him! Bobby Roode thinks Eric Young could become POTUS! He could even beat Ms. Brooks in a bikini contest. FORESHADOWING!
 

Cackling Co Pilot Kamala

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A Paparazzi Productions.

Kevin Nash introduces the Paparazzi Championship Series to find out the greatest X Division wrestler of all time. Kevin Nash wants to make sure no one is using anabolic steroids. Sonjay Dutt does NOT want to pee in a cup.

Kevin Nash: Do you want to drive that Ford Maverick the rest of your life?
Sonjay: It's a Honda Protege.

Kevin Nash asks everyone to hold hands. Sonajy Dutt, Jay Lethal, and Low Ki aren't having anything to do with hand holding but Alex Shelley and Austin Starr join hands with Coach Nash. Kevin Nash tries to lead a singalong of "Kumbaya". Sonjay and Jay Lethal walk out and NASH calls the juiceheads.

He is the Master (Blaster).
 

Cackling Co Pilot Kamala

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Cornette has joined Don & Mike for the main event. Sting casually sneaks up on Christian during his entrance

Christian Cage is not afraid of Sting's legacy.

Next week, LAX have to put their tag team titles on the line against Petey Williams and Kurt Angle.

Sting didn't have to give Christian this match but he's a competitor and Abyss and Christian relit a fire in him.

Sting blocks the Unprettier into the Scorpion Deathdrop but Rdy Charles is KTFO.

WAITAMINUTE! TOMKO IS HERE! He has helped Christian over the years and now he's helping Christian in TNA! Cornette says he doesn't have a damn contract!

We need to determine a winner and nothing hs been settled. Cornette doesn't know what to do.

We get a music video recap of episode we just saw.

No. Closing with BG James and Cute Kip. They can't find where they park but they just stumbled on Titan Towers. TO BE CONTINUED...

Interesting to see how TNA evolved in the almost four years from period I'm watching them. Hooo. it really felt like they were trying to fit a three hour show into a one hour time slot.
 

Cackling Co Pilot Kamala

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If 2013-14 wasn't the worst era of TNA then it directly set up the worst era of TNA. I really blame Dixie, her naivete and her weird ass dogged loyalty to Russo for TNA completely blowing their shot at being a strong alternative to WWE more than I blame Hogan and Bischoff but it's pretty friggin close.
 

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The turning point is at latest when Abyss left. He was the last one original they had. But the fallout from the Hogan era just made it unwatchable for me just visually because the production dipped so hard and everyone was literally in the dark. If it weren't for the Hardys they probably would've been written off for good. Not saying the product or work was bad, but more people were talking about Broken Matt than anything else.
 

Cackling Co Pilot Kamala

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I thought Abyss' run bled a little into the Scott D'Amore/Don Callis era but I guess he got his release eight months before they took over.

That makes me really really depressed. He stuck with TNA/Impact through the entire downfall but didn't get to stick around for their (minor) comeback. I guess being his longtime pal AJ Styles and Omos' personal road agent is probably the better career choice though.
 

Valeyard

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He turned down a Taker feud to stay with TNA. That's the most loyal anyone ever could be. He never even got a big run, either, and didn't seem to care because he loved being there. At points I would call him the best big man in wrestling, or at least in the states, as well as have some of the worst booking that didn't involve necrophilia. I think he was far too busted up to be a real player in the renaissance but he earned a lifetime deal, at the least. That's stupid loyalty and should've been rewarded, especially when Styles and Storm were driven off.
 

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Abyss is someone who will always go unappreciated because he spent his entire career in Impact. Even guys like Storm had cups of coffee in WWE but with Abyss, he always stayed loyal. At least he was always doing something, no matter how bad, as opposed to being left off TV for weeks on end and got to work premiere angles with the likes of Hogan and Sting. Also, how could we forget the awesomeness that was Joseph Park? That really drove home how good Abyss was at character work in addition to having bloody brawls.

Something I forgot about '14 Impact: James Storm channeling Bray Wyatt by starting his own "family" (The Revolution) with Abyss, TJP, SANADA, Serena Deeb, and Mahabeli Shera.
 

Cackling Co Pilot Kamala

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At least, Abyss' final Impact match was a Monster's Ball match where he put over a relevant member of the roster (Eli Drake) during their Homecoming PPV at the TNA Asylum.

His 2nd to last match was a Monster's Ball match putting over Kongo Kong on an Impact in March 2018...which would have been a VERY POOR PASSING OF THE TORCH.

His last overall match was a Monster's Ball match against Austin Aries on an Australian tour in March 2019. Man, Austin Aries could have been on the TNA Mt Rushmore if he wasn't...ya know, Austin Aries.
 

Cackling Co Pilot Kamala

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1. Anyone who said Joe can't talk or cut promise has rocks in their head cause I feel like he's super underrated on the microphone. He's very articulate in a way that seems unusual in rasslin.

2. Is it just me or does this shoot seem not that bad? Like I don't think it was bad enough to trigger Nash into wanting to kick Joe's ass and Dixie wanting to fire him. Nash was just probably pissed at his best buddy blowing another chance and Joe dogpiling on an already testy situation.

Also GD TNA brought back Scott Hall another time after this!
 

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Actual footage of @King Kamala Holidays trying to bring me up for a karaoke rendition of "Sweet Caroline"

tumblr_n6eywpcTU61ttu4eto1_400.gif
 

Valeyard

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There was a really brief time in the Fox Sports era where he went for an Antonio Banderas thing. It was like one show, but he'd have gotten it over.
 
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