Wrestlers and their movies

[wnyxmcneal]

She also did a Canadian movie called Cairo Time, and is in a new sex comedy with Emma Stone and Amanda Bynes. Just because she's done high brow films doesn't mean she's above a paycheque movie.

 

[Cackling Co Pilot Kamala]

Sex comedy with Emma Stone and Amanda Bynes? Color me intrigued...

 

[atticus Chaos]

In what will most assuredly be an actor's showcase, Lionsgate has scheduled a February 23rd DVD release date for WRONG SIDE OF TOWN starring current WWE wrestler Dave Bautista, former WWE wrestler Rob Van Dam, hip hop star Ja Rule, rapper Omarion, and porn star Stormy Daniels.

The director is David "The Demon" DeFalco, an ex-wrestler and bodybuilder turned filmmaker who made a bit of a name for himself a few years back with the LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT-ish thriller CHAOS after getting into a war of words with Roger Ebert following Ebert's zero stars review.

"Bobby (Rob Van Dam), a former Navy Seal, seeks revenge by killing a crooked nightclub owner who attacked his wife. The owner’s brother comes after Bobby by placing a massive bounty on his head. Bobby’s only hope will be to enlist his old friend Ronnie (David Bautista) in retaliation efforts. But first he’ll have to repair the falling-out they had years ago. With Ronnie’s help he’ll stand a chance, but ultimately it will be up to him to save his family and escape his death sentence."

YouTube - Broadcast Yourself.




I vaguely remember seeing RVD "act" on an episode of V.I.P. And, yes, his acting was terrible, even compared to Pamela Anderson and rest of the jabronis on that show.

 

[wnyxmcneal]

Wait, the guy who made Chaos got a chance to direct another movie, with a presumably higher budget? How?

 

[Jingus]

I wonder that myself. My first reaction was "FUCK, are you kidding me?!" Chaos is a strong contender for worst movie of the decade, a film artistically incompetent, morally appalling, and entirely devoid of entertainment.

 

[Mattdotcom]

Major MacGruber spoilers. Guess how many WWE wrestlers are in it.

Spoiler

[Gavok of the excellent 4thletter.net blog] just saw a test screening for the movie MacGruber, based on the Saturday Night Live skit starring Will Forte. I'm mentioning it here because of a big bit involving a half dozen WWE guys.

MacGruber finds out that the villain (Val Kilmer) has a dream team of killers at his disposal, so MacGruber decides to put together his own team of soldiers he used to hang with. He finds Jericho's character working out at a gym. The two share an awkward conversation of comradery that is just a bit homoerotic before doing the action movie buddy handshake. Then there's a montage of MacGruber finding the other men on his list. Mark Henry is a construction worker, Great Khali is welding stuff, Kane is testing his knife-throwing accuracy, MVP is homeless, and Big Show is a mechanic. While visiting Big Show, MacGruber sees Big Show make out with a male coworker and afterward scratches his name off the list.

Later, they're all shown in a van, armed and ready. MacGruber goes to speak with his commander and leaves them in the van, all chanting "gently caress THE BRASS!" The commander isn't so sure about this team and insists on MacGruber including the commander's protege. MacGruber refuses and points out what an awesome team he has, sitting in a van filled with guns, ammo and C4 that he put together himself.

The rest speaks for itself, I'm sure.

The movie's pretty rad. No fooling.

 

[Gary]

Major MacGruber spoilers. Guess how many WWE wrestlers are in it.

Spoiler

[Gavok of the excellent 4thletter.net blog] just saw a test screening for the movie MacGruber, based on the Saturday Night Live skit starring Will Forte. I'm mentioning it here because of a big bit involving a half dozen WWE guys.

MacGruber finds out that the villain (Val Kilmer) has a dream team of killers at his disposal, so MacGruber decides to put together his own team of soldiers he used to hang with. He finds Jericho's character working out at a gym. The two share an awkward conversation of comradery that is just a bit homoerotic before doing the action movie buddy handshake. Then there's a montage of MacGruber finding the other men on his list. Mark Henry is a construction worker, Great Khali is welding stuff, Kane is testing his knife-throwing accuracy, MVP is homeless, and Big Show is a mechanic. While visiting Big Show, MacGruber sees Big Show make out with a male coworker and afterward scratches his name off the list.

Later, they're all shown in a van, armed and ready. MacGruber goes to speak with his commander and leaves them in the van, all chanting "gently caress THE BRASS!" The commander isn't so sure about this team and insists on MacGruber including the commander's protege. MacGruber refuses and points out what an awesome team he has, sitting in a van filled with guns, ammo and C4 that he put together himself.

The rest speaks for itself, I'm sure.

The movie's pretty rad. No fooling.

Advanced word says it's the best SNL movie since "Wayne's World." I'm skeptical, but I love the "MacGruber" skits, and Forte can be great.

 

[Gary]

Also, if you ever want to see "The Condemned", don't. Just read This review from Brian Posehn.

I may be an idiot...(SPOILER)

but I enjoyed the shit out of the CONDEMNED, the Stone Cold Steve Austin Vehicle. A hard R action movie with the WWE stamp on it guarantees I'll be heading to the movie theatre, high as hell in the middle of the day. The only way I could've been more baked is if the Galleria 16 allowed weed. Condemned is a total eighties throw-back that owes Battle Royale's writers a check. Nine bad people(killers and rapists) that are CONDEMNED to death row (for killing and raping)and a good 'ol boy Army bad-ass wrongly imprisoned in a foreign land are thrown onto an island loaded with video cameras and forced to fight until one one is left. It sounds lame on paper. Or awesome. It's pure fun, except for the B story where they try to make a statement about our culture. Oh and the rape, the rape is bad and no fun too. During the rape scene, go get a soda or text your lady because she won't be with you at a Stone Cold movie. It should've been an hour and a half of Stone Cold saying shit like "let's dance, asshole" and punching guys and throwing them into things and no story or statements or rape. There is a lot to love(like SC calling people "asshole" and "sweetheart" before beating the shit out of them) and Stone Cold running after people and running away from explosions like Rambo and my state's Governor in classic old-timey action movies. And he teaches the rapist a lesson. A lesson in dead. Fuck Spider-Man and the PG-13 Die Hard 4 right in the ass and go see a former wrestler run around on an island killing bad people.

 

[Mattdotcom]

That looks like a good review though

 

[Gary]

That looks like a good review though

But it's a great read nonetheless.

 

[Mattdotcom]

Shoot. I see what you were saying now.

 

[KOAB]

Woah, Big Daddy V is in the Batista and RVD movie... I gots to see that!

 

[Psycho Penguin]

I am watching The Marine 2 soon, can't wait. Might need to download Marine first, though!

 

[atticus Chaos]

From an early review of The Marine 2 by Scott Foy.

Ted DiBiase (Don't call him "Jr." WWE hate's juniors) brings that main event charisma that has made him the WWE superstar he is today (that was sarcasm in case you didn't figure it out). Never is this more obvious than in the few scenes he has with Michael Rooker, an always reliable film veteran stuck a nothing role that still manages to run circles around DiBiase. It's not so much that DiBiase is a bad actor; he's a non-actor. He lifelessly recites quick bursts of dialogue and makes a facial expression or two on occasion, but acting - acting is a bit involved than this. Even in the heat of battle he still comes across as an uncharismatic stiff going through the rehearsed motions. Lord knows you don't have to be a good actor to be an action hero but having an ounce of screen charisma is certainly a plus.

I knew Ted was going to terrible in this as soon as I heard him say "I thought the goal was to save people, not kill them to win" with the same passion as he would running down a grocery list.

 

[atticus Chaos]

So, I just saw The Marine 2. This review probably won't be as awesome as The Condemned review but if I can work in the line "He teaches them a lesson. A lesson in dead," I will.

Okay, Ted is bad. Not embarrassingly bad, though. Mostly he mumbles his way through the lines, and the action does the talking for him. He is probably a more believable marine than Cena was, mainly because he does look like your average guy that would be in the military (Cena just looked like a freakishly big bodybuilder rather than an army dude) and if the goal was for the lead character of Joe to come off as a regular, um, joe, Ted accomplishes that because he is so bland and nondescript. Also, Ted can run away from explosions in a fairly believable manner, and in a WWE movie that's all you really need.

His wife is mainly there for exposition. Like, in the middle of a terrorist attack, with a gun shoved in her face and explosions going off, she'll helpfully take the time to calmly remind her boss (and the audience) who the terrorists are, what their goals are, and what her boss did to piss them off and make himself a target. Thanks.

Temuera Morrison is fine as the bad guy, Dama. Dama starts off as mildly interesting, but by the end he's just a pantomime villain. Hans Gruber in Die Hard he is not. Michael Rooker is also decent, and at least goes to some lengths to feign enthusiasm and hide the fact he's only there for the paycheck. There was actually nobody in the supporting cast that was that bad at all. Lara Cox is a very attractive girl and maybe WWE should take note because, unlike most of the divas, she doesn't look like she's had too many visits to the cosmetic surgeon and has a lot of natural beauty about her.

The plot is fine, but nothing you haven't seen a million times before. I thought they might borrow from 12 Rounds and throw in a twist, but they didn't. Although, on the bright side, they didn't try unsuccessfully to do bad comedy like the first movie (the big, black henchman that claimed he was raped at summer camp or something) and just got on with the plot. The actions scenes were a highlight: Ted, like in wrestling, might not have a vibrant personality, but he does have a certain physical charimsa and he's probably at his best when he's beating down henchmen (who rather stupidly attack him one at a time, of course.)

I thought this was one of the better WWE movies. Not great, but probably not anything to be ashamed about.

 

[DrVenkman PhD]

Temuera Morrison is fine as the bad guy, Dama

What's his villainous plan, bitching about college sports?

 

[Psycho Penguin]

unsuccessfully to do bad comedy like the first movie (the big, black henchman that claimed he was raped at summer camp or something) and just got on with the plot.

I actually found this to be the best part of the first.

"It's got CD, DVD... we can even get Joey to put some spinners on it."
[looks over at Joey] "Fuck you!"
"Or not."

 

[atticus Chaos]

Temuera Morrison is fine as the bad guy, Dama

What's his villainous plan, bitching about college sports?

On that note: I'm still not entirely sure what the bad guy's ultimate goal was. They wanted money off of the wife's billionaire boss, but they were still insisting they were terrorists and not robbers. I'm not sure why he took the wife (and only her) hostage at the end again either. He didn't need her for anything and should have just made a run for it by himself. Unless, it's just if you're a WWE movie villain you must take the hero's woman hostage. Even when there's no real reason to.

RE: The Marine's comedy. I thought Robert Patrick had some good one-liners, but the rest of the gang just seemed really out of place. We were supposed to root for Cena to get his wife back from these evil,vicious thugs, right? But they were a bunch of incompetent clowns.

 

[Psycho Penguin]

RE: The Marine's comedy. I thought Robert Patrick had some good one-liners, but the rest of the gang just seemed really out of place. We were supposed to root for Cena to get his wife back from these evil,vicious thugs, right? But they were a bunch of incompetent clowns.

They would have killed her if they were evil, vicious thugs, and then there wouldn't be much of a movie unless they go the Death Wish/Punisher route but in the woods this time.

 

[BruiserBrody]

 

[Conspiracy_Victim]

Holy shit is that bad. The slo mo just makes it worse. At least the guys in movies like "Never Back Down" SOLD it. Who does Ted think he is, the Undertaker?

 

[RedJed]

Did anyone else actually sit through End Game yet?

It very well was quite possibly the hardest chore in my life. To make it worse, I watched it right after last night's shit-tastic Raw. It was much less entertaining than Raw itself even was, which is saying alot.

I expected the amateur acting and general look/feel of the "film" (ie looking like a junior high school kid with one low level HD cam running the show) but my god, how brutal it was to sit through this shit. I had to stop the DVD four times through it, thinking I wasn't going to go back to it, but I felt compelled to keep trying. It was just so tough to even care enough to keep going because it was just so all over the place and most certainly, "Z-Movie" material. Calling this a movie actually is probably even stretching it. Felt more like a trial experiment to see where a bunch of fledging theater actors are put on video to get feedback on how much more work they need to actually be considered an "actor"......and then throw Angle and god awful Jenna (who doesnt even get naked, much less parade around in bra and panties really at all) to apparently carry the story and you have a really pathetic showcase.

Actually, Angle was actually semi-decent in talent compared to the rest of the cast, but alot of his scenes were just so over the top and abysmal that it wasn't even really funny or entertaining, just sad and pathetic someone actually thought this was a good idea to even produce in the first place, and with Angle of all people. And it was impossible to suspend disbelief that Angle was actually even trying to play a psychopath character in the first place. The only single laugh the whole film got from me was when they did a scene with Angle actually wearing a Bound for Glory t-shirt. I guess free promotion doesnt hurt, but WTF?! And I dont know if this was intentional, but the women they cast Angle to stalk/kill were some of the most unattractive homely looking females, purported to be hot, kind of akin to how that skanky sow was cast in The Room and the entire movie consisted of how hot all the guys thought she was.

Jenna was horrible here too, as expected. Much like her TNA run, the only good part about her was she can do her stripper moves on screen. She can shake her ass around a pole, that about it though. Otherwise, it was a nightmare to actually witness her attempt to remember her lines, much less say them effectively or with any sort of believability. How she got away with not showing skin, particularly when she was PLAYING A STRIPPER dumbfounded me. That would be the only saving grace to this mess, if she would at least got a little risque in her role. She even wore a full nurse outfit on stage without even taking it off, come the fuck on. At most, a few ass tease shots. Reason number 762 why End Game fucking sucks.

I wont even go into detail much on the "supporting" cast (far from support!) other than the main character trying to chase crazy Angle down had one of the most irritating and drab deliveries, was one of the most unlikable "good guys" ever, and played in one of the most unconvincing roles I've ever had to sit through and experience. Have to see it to even come close to understand what I mean. The writing and general storytelling of this whole deal was absolutely awful....far from a compelling start to finish, nothing of substance to this mess much at all.

I'd easily say this is the worst movie I've seen all year, but this doesn't even deserve "movie" status.

 

[atticus Chaos]

I'm watching Santa's slay right now.

Yeah, it is almost impossible not to be entertained by Bill Goldberg as an evil Santa Claus going about killing snobby rich people.

 

[DrVenkman PhD]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Khiladiyon_Ka_Khiladi

Wacky stuff, I posted videos in the wrestling youtube thread.

 

[Big Green]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Khiladiyon_Ka_Khiladi

Wacky stuff, I posted videos in the wrestling youtube thread.

Ted DiBiase clearly paid for Lee's role in order to bolster his claim of having the real Undertaker.

 

[mellow]

The Running Man is on right now. While I did remember Jesse Ventura's role in the movie, but I totally forgot about Prof. Tofu Tanaka as Professor Subzero.

 

[Gary]

I rented "Wrong Side of Town" for reasons God only understands. Pray for Mojo.

 

[RedJed]

I rented "Wrong Side of Town" for reasons God only understands. Pray for Mojo.

You rented it because it had a motley crew of wrestlers, pornstars (random Stormy Daniels scene with her topless hanging out with Batista), MMA guys (did you see McCully and Danzig? Forrest Griffin played a cop also), and general zaniness was bout to occur from that mixture.

I might actually buy a copy of this one down the road as it was so much out there in terms of sheer laughably retarded shit that it had me thoroughly loving it. Obviously Van Dam was smoking joints in between every take given his delivery. Then again Van Dam never has really excelled with talking. But yet he still brought a really strangely entertaining amount of stuff in the film. Batista turning heel and then back babyface within seconds and then casually shooting guys in the face at close range and then keeping his cool had me rolling. And how he just walked away back into the woods of the park at the end like he lived there. Awesome.

Van Dam's selling of getting shot (and his passionate acting as he pulled out the bullet) was stuff made for legends.

I could go on and on about this trainwreck, it was great.

 

[Gary]

Oh yeah, that movie cracked me up to no end. The conversation between RVD and Batista had me in stitches.

 

[atticus Chaos]

Batista's also due to be the lead in Killer Karma, the next WWE movie about a recently paroled guy who, despite wanting to return to a normal life, has to step in and protect his friend and his family from a group of criminals. This is exactly the same plot as Wrong Side of Town. Like, virtually identical with Batista playing the same role.

How easy is it to write one of these wrestler movies?

Family strife? Check.
Explosions? Check.
Recently imprisoned man seeking redemption? Check.
Beautiful Woman who is easily kidnapped? Check.
Movie Title that sounds like a TNA ppv name? Check.
More Explosions? Check.